Injustice at its BEST

Friday, December 26, 2008
The world has gone crazy.
So, I just had the worst day of my life.

At around 1:30 PM today, at Valley Golf and Country Club, Antipolo City, Mayor Nasser Pangandaman, Jr., Mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur, his father, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman of the Department of Agrarian Reform, and company, beat my defenseless 56-year-old dad and my 14-year-old brother to a pulp because of some stupid misunderstanding on the golf course.

This is a golf course. I have been a golfer all my life, and I have never seen anything like this. NOTHING. This is hard to comprehend. And it happened to my own father and my own brother too. Right in front of my eyes.

My brother and I were playing golf at the South Course of Valley. We were on the 3rd hole, and we see two golf carts going past us, overtaking our flight, and setting up to tee off on the next hole. My dad goes up to them and asks them why they would do that, why they would overtake us without even asking for our permission. Golf etiquette 101. One of the guys says that they're with the flight in front of us. (So what? That doesn't give them the right to just pass us WITHOUT asking.) So, we go to the 5th hole. The flight behind us catches up with us, and asks us what caused the hold up. We said that this flight just slipped in front of our flight. So we complained to the marshall. We play the 5th hole and walk towards the next hole, where there is a teehouse, and both the flights in front of us were there, talking with the marshall. The mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur talks with my dad. Things get heated up. Voices were raised. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that someone would pull out a punch. Apparently not. He attacks my father. His flightmates, maybe 2 or 3 of them, rush to his aid and beat up my father. My 56-year-old father. My younger brother and I could not just watch. We rushed to break the fight. My younger brother pleads to the mayor to please stop it. To not hurt my dad. To just stop. His words still ring through my head..."Sorry na po, sorry na po...tama na...tama na po..." With his hands in front of his chest in a praying position. PLEADING. The mayor socks him in the face. My brother defended himself. My dad is still on the ground getting clobbered. My brother is the same way. I try to stop the fight, but all I can do is stop one person. There were 4 or 5 of them attacking now.

Someone breaks up the fight. I thought it was all over. The mayor shouts to his caddy: "Hindi nila kami kilala! Sabihin mo nga sa kanila kung sino ako!" And believe me, I had no idea who this person was. But now I know. He's the person who, with 4 other men, beat up my 56-year-old father and my 14-year-old brother. He's the person who sacks a pleading 14-year-old kid in the face. He's a person who, I am sure, is gonna rot in hell.

I lash out, but my dad held me back. I was screaming my lungs out, shouting to this mayor, telling him about what he had done. I said: "Nakakahiya kayo. Singkwenta'y sais anyos ang tatay ko. And kapatid ko kakatorse anyos. Anong ilalaban nila sayo?"

The mayor looks at my brother, point to his face, and says, "Tatandaan kita!" And he tells me that my brother has a bad attitude and that I need to watch him. WHAT THE HELL?! So, my brother's bad for defending his father?!

We leave. We walk to the clubhouse to file a complaint. My brother asks for a doctor. My dad could barely walk. Their group comes to the clubhouse, sees my brother. Once again my brother pleads, says sorry, and is crying. He was CRYING, for crissakes. But no. The relentless mayor still punches him in the face, and then sees my dad and goes after my dad again. Him and his friend pull my dad to the ground, pulls at his feet, and steps on him like he's dirt. I run to him and try to hold him back, holding him back by his shirt, while this other guy and this girl tries to stop me. She tells me to just stop it. I scream in her face "they're beating my father up and you want me to stop?!" I pull at his shirt--I don't let go. All I can see was my dad being trampled on. I didn't even see my brother getting beat up.

People pull them away. I get my dad, and I saw my brother. His right ear was bleeding. I freaked out. I told the receptionists to bring my brother to the clinic. I pull my dad away. People were separating us.

My mom and my older brother come. I tell her Bino's right ear is bleeding. They both look like they could kill. My dad holds my brother off, I hold off my mom. When I finally got my mom under control, my older brother gets away and I hold him off. Two of the mayor's bodyguards pull out guns. I embraced my brother from the back, just holding him back, crying. The receptionists came to us, crying, hugging me, my dad, and my mom, whispering to us to just leave. "Maam, umalis na po kayo, may mga baril sila...Maam...umalis na po kayo please..."

I am pretty sure the Secretary of DAR did not take part in the fight, but he just watched all this happen. He watched two of his sons, as we figured out, the other guy was his son, too, beat up my father and my 14-year-old brother. He didn't do anything to stop it. And this person is what now? A cabinet member. A politician.

Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn't it? But this is what happened. TODAY. The day after Christmas. To my family. And all I ask for is JUSTICE. The people at Valley Golf did not seem to want to help us. None of the security guards even tried to stop the fight. Right in the clubhouse. I came back after the fight was over and talked to the receptionists. They say they did not see anything. The general manager of Valley Golf would not give us the names of the men who made my brother's ear bleed. It took him an hour. Maybe even more than that. He seemed to not want to help us. Because, we were against the SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRARIAN REFORM and the MAYOR OF MASIU CITY, LANAO DEL SUR. They were all scared.

The world has gone crazy. Two politicians beat up a defenseless 56-year-old father and his 14-year-old son. At a golf course. I swear to God, I thought golfers were decent people. You would think politicians were decent people. I guess not. I guess they gang up on 56-year-old men and beat up pleading 14-year-old kids.

Please pray for my dad, my brother and for my whole family. Please pray that we get JUSTICE. Oh God, please, give these people what they deserve.

I got this from this site:
http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html

My comment(also posted there):

Kristina said...

You may be wondering how a stranger stumbled upon your blog and the answer is that my cousin, Jammy C., posted this link in our family Yahoo!groups. (Sorry, if this freaks you out.)

I am TOTALLY ENRAGED for your family. I am FURIOUS. I want to throw something. I hate injustice. I abhor it. I cannot even comprehend the fact that this happened, that this HAPPENS. Almost too hard to believe this is in fact our reality. This has absolutely lowered my confidence in humanity in general. How can someone so viciously act for oneself only? How can someone be capable of doing such an act of selfishness? How can a (let's assume) Catholic Filipino LEADER( SUPPOSEDLY) act like this? What has the world come down to?

Though, I am glad that you and your family are alive. No one should experience this degree of cruelty. (ESPECIALLY on freakin Christmas.)No one should even be capable of carrying out an action of this degree of cruelty. I am hoping for the best for your family. I hope you will all heal.
I will pray for you and your family. For every Filipino out there who has experienced,are experiencing, (God Forbid) will be experiencing this malevolence from our very own government. And, as hard as it is for me to say it, we must pray especially for these kind of people. 'Love your enemies.' As hard as it is to accept, we would be nothing better than those we hate, if we aren't even capable of this. Though, don't worry, you don't need to accept this yet. It might take a while, but eventually, we must forgive.

And for exactly this reason, we must hope. For the people who have been victimized, like your family, we must hope. For these dogs who don't even deserve the title of being called 'human' much less that of a 'mayor', we must hope. For our country, we must pray.

I will pray for you.

- Kristina C. (Jammy's cousin. Just reminding. :) )

The world has gone crazy. But then again, when we lose hope, we lose ourselves too.

Link of news report here: http://www.gmanews.tv/story/141418/DAR-chiefs-son-5-bodyguards-face-charges-for-alleged-mauling-of-2-golfers

What Barney has taught me :)

I remember watching Barney when I was just a little too old to for it, but still young enough to watch it with my younger sister. It was a special Christmas episode with Santa and Baby Bop. If I'm not mistaken, It was Baby Bop who said something like, "Santa gives all of us gifts for Christmas, but who gives Santa gifts?" I remember this episode struck me so much, my eyes started producing liquid. My sister and I even started planning things like putting cookies on the dinner table on Christmas Eve for Santa, plans that were never put into action. Still, we did consider this new idea, Christmas about giving back to Santa.

Ms. Ng, our CLE teacher, discussed Christmas with us. She said that we should never forget that 'Jesus is the reason for the season.' We should never forget, though we receive a truckload of gifts and attend a host of parties, why there is Christmas in the first place.

A priest preaching in the homily said that Christmas is about serving those who served us. Forgot his name, but I remember his proposition. He challenged us to be the ones who served our maids and helpers at home. Even just for Christmas because Christmas is about Jesus, who has served us too.

Thinking back, I realized Barney was teaching us the same lesson, albeit in a different way. Christmas is about serving those who has served us, which includes Jesus but also envelops our personal 'servants'. People who have been unfailingly kind towards us, people who have always stood by our side, people who have handed us the pitcher of water though it was only less than ten feet away, these are the people who served us.


That's why I'm so stressed. There's simply too much people who have served me, too much people on my list. :D

LOL.

Merry Christmas, cyberspace.

Love,
Kristina.

For a Friend

Let me explain my pathetic situation.

First of all, I have friends. But they have their own intimately close group of friends. I'm just an intruder.

I had a friend, but she turned out to be something of the exact opposite--a backstabbing, lying, two-faced, ....

I had an acquaintance, who always treated me like I am lower than dirt, but I still tried to treat well. I tried to be cordial with her as much as possible.

What hurts the most...

is the fact that the dearest friend I have, someone who I really love and care about, has been forced with an ultimatum (and a stupid one at that)--CHOOSE: ME or them. Them, the lying, two-faced, backstabbing, petty, shallow, disgusting, filthy, .... The bane of my existence.

The catch is, I just had to be giving because she's my bestest, best friend. And for a friend like her, I'd do anything. I had to leave her--them. Because if I don't, they'd let her chose.

I guess, I don't want to know which she chooses too. Me, or them.

So I left.

I left her, because I love her. I don't want her to feel like she has to chose between me or them. I didn't want to hear them tell me to go away too.

It's so funny how much you can trust a person and even consider them as a friend and find out the person's been sh**ting you all along. Makes you jaded and bitter right? Thing is, I'm not. I'm still hoping. I still believe that there will be friends for me out there--other friends.

If you really love someone, let him/her go, right? They say, it it really was meant to be, he/she will come back.

We'll see.

An Unsent Letter

I don't really care anymore...

(Just hoping for an OPEN mind from everyone who reads this...)

But, ate Sarah, why the TOOT do you think you're not yet 'skinny' enough? And why should it bother you so much that you're not that skinny? I mean, I don't really understand why you're so into getting 'skinnier' when you already are VERY skinny. I just really don't get why it affects someone as smart as you so much. I don't KNOW what to think. Ano ba, media? And BS naman nun, and very petty. It's such a shallow reason. You need to get skinny just cause others are skinny too? Or just because they're skinnier than you?

O sige, if not that, it's because you want to be healthy. I know it's your life and you don't like it when others interfere with it AND I know it may seem so cowardly and cold, insensitive and all that, for me to be doing this online BUT I REALLY think you're so overdoing being vegan/vegetarian or whatever you call that, I don't really care. But, what's life without a little indulgence? Sobrang nakakistorbong makita iyong isang taong may maliking problema sa sarili niyang katawang sobrang payat na pero para sa kanya ewan ko. Hindi ko na talaga maunawan, dati pa ito nakatago pero wala na, kailangan ko na talaga sabihin. And I know that I am a coward and this is cowardice, but I know that everyone else in the family is thinking along those lines.

And I know that you don't like us telling you what to do or interfering, but that's what family is for. Kung kahit pamilya mo'y hindi kikibo kahit alam nila mali ka, sino pa'ng tutulong sa'yo? Nakakahabag. Kung kahit pamilya mo, 'di kaya sa iyo sabihin ang totoo, sino pa'ng iimik? Kung hindi ka haharapin ng kahit sarili mong pamilya...kawawang nilalang.

Sure, I like being healthy too and maybe for you the way I'm living is unhealthy. Heck, for you, probably like 90% of us, mere humans, does NOT live 'healthy'. But, is the way you're living really 'healthy'? Maybe for you, but maybe not for how others define 'healthy'. I respect you wanting to be healthy and all that but please, sana wag mo pa ring kalimutan alagaan iyong sarili mong katawan. Please.

I know that this is the way you want to live your life. But I just want you to know that I strongly disagree with some of your choices and I'm sorry for not saying them to you face to face but I believe everyone in the family should know and you too. Maybe this is part of my Christmas gift to you--honesty and the truth AT LAST.

I am sorry if this will ruin everything. Your Christmas, our relationship, if this will alienate everyone from me or you from me or all of us from each other. But, as Star says, 'The truth will prevail.' Or something like that. I am sorry if this offends you and I know it will but I just had to do it. But I still love you and that's why I'm telling you this, even though I know you've already heard it from a lot of people.

When everything else falls apart, the only sure thing that will be left standing is your family.

Somehow this turned out to be much longer than I intended it to be.

Di ko lang talaga gets. Sorry. Ok lang kung magalit ka. But I just want to know, why the obssession?

Love,
Kristina

Sorry e-mail lang. Sorry sorry sorry. But I had to say it. Ileana may not have been as direct but I know that someone will eventually have to tell you. It's just that...uRAGAH....

Thanks btw, if you actually read everything. Just wanted you to know.

(was supposed to send it )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chickened out. :)

I guess I realized that it wasn't really worth it. It's nearing Christmas and it is already the "November girls'" birthdays. Me on the 26th, my aunt on the 28th, and my grandma on the 29th, today. I didn't really want to ruin the mood.

I think that it wouldn't have made much of a difference anyway. I think she knows what I put there. I think it would have been an unnecessary cause for argument. As I've said, it was also too cold and impersonal to just send it in the yahoogroups, broadcasting it to everyone. I guess I realized that it would be much better if I just confronted her about it.

But, in reality, maybe I really am just a coward, because though I'm saying all these, I really am torn. I want her to know all these because she might not know all of the things I've said, for example, about the family part. But the again, I don't want to cause unnecessary dispute and cause a possible huge fight. Big things does come from small thing after all.

So though I chickened out from pressing the send button, I'm going to press another one now called 'Publish Post'.

Let Fate decide.

Happiness: In Him alone

AMAZINGLY, I'm actually NOT depressed today. :) Just calm, everything's just fine.

Just a thought that have been plaguing me for a while.

It's just kind of sad to think that I live for the weekend, that every weekday, with all its burden--from school and whatnot--I just really, REALLY wait for the weekend to arrive. So I get 'rest' days which aren't at all enough or restful, what with choir and my tendency of sleeping later than I should. If you think about it, it IS a very miserable existence, if this really is just what my life is: an endless cycle of weekends and weekdays.

But, let us not contemplate such lonely thoughts today. Not today.

I've decided to write something happy for once, since I've realized I've been whining and complaining at almost all the entries I have ever posted here. Beforehand, I didn't even know what happy thoughts I was going to write about. But upon typing the word 'complaining', a memory was triggered so now I have something perfectly happy to write about. Wonderful.

Ms. Ng, our CLE (Christian Life Education) teacher, had always been a very cheerful person. And its always heartening to see her, because she lifts your face and literally turns your frown into an unwilling smile. She's a saint. And I can't forget the time--well, it wasn't that long ago--when she said that we shouldn't complain so much. That for the last two remaining periods after her class, we should try our best not to complain about anything, or better yet, not to complain at all. I forgot why, or what exactly was our lesson then. But more recently, we've watched the Passion of Christ, and it is honestly, the first time I have ever watched it. It really struck me, but what Ms. Ng has been saying (interrupting our watching) was what really struck me more.

Seeing all the blood gushing forth from every single wound inflicted on His body, the flesh being broken and lacerated by filthy, disgusting, yet sharp things, seeing Him tortured and handled so rudely and unfairly, you can't help but to grimace in pain, as if you're being punished yourself, or just to weep in agony. Well, truth be told, I did weep a lot in that movie, yet what made the tears flow more steadily was what Ms. Ng said. She said something along the lines of: It's remarkable how anyone could love us so much, so willing to suffer, die and be humiliated for us. We can never do anything that is enough to be deserving of this much love. WE DO NOT DESERVE HIS LOVE. And everytime we do something wrong, we cause him more pain too. And we are more at sin and at fault than the Romans who crucified him, for they literally did not entirely know what they were doing, that He really is divine. YET, we have all this evidence of His divinity and still we persecute Him. (She said she got this bit from C.S. Lewis and Mel Gibson, I think)

It just really struck something in me. She said, He had to be crucified, WHY? for me. For you, for us all.

It really is a great comfort that no matter how horrible a person you may think you are, how many sins you have committed, how many people you've persecuted yourself, SOMEONE will ALWAYS love you. Teacher said too that there is NOTHING, NOTHING ever that we can do to make God NOT love us.

He suffered so much for us, that's why we should make it worth it. You know, I've never really uncovered the secret of life or maybe in my subconscious I'm just refusing to accept and acknowledge it, but for sure I know one thing. I don't ever want to cause any person the same pain others inflicted on Him.(Duh, I know) Or even just a fraction of it. I don't ever want to cause Jesus any more pain than what he had to carry on that cross of his.

I know that now I've lost most of the vigor, zeal and life I had had previously. My will to live is just a lot less. Yet, I am content. I am happy for the simple knowledge that if there is no other thing certain in this world, His love for me is. And in Him, I seek my comfort.

I know about all the things people have said about religion, and all the arguments people have come up with. Maybe, He is just man's creation to comfort himself. To tell himself that this is not all that life beholds, that there is something after this life. Whatever other people may say, no matter how sound their argument, I know that He is here, with me, always.

Faith is founded on trust and love, and if the beauty of each raindrop that falls, the power of the thunder that shakes the earth, and the gentleness of the sun's caress upon your face is not proof enough of His everlasting presence here with us, then maybe nothing ever will be good enough for you. And if that is so, I pity you.

P.S. And I almost forgot something, teacher also said that we shouldn't be sad at all when watching the Passion, because it is a happy story. It is the greatest love story ever told.

Writing, is it my calling?

I've been insufferably plagued by these insistent urges to write about this novel I've been outlining and planning inside my head for quite a while. (FINE, it has had a few years of planning...but not really continuous planning, more like periodic planning.)

This image/words/thoughts/whatnot(I can't really justifiably define it, whatever it is, because it happens inside my cluttered head.) can't get out of my head.

Striking, bright yellow eyes stared back at me from the corner of my bed. Another pair of eyes appeared right next to them, except these ones were constantly changing color. They conspicuously stood out against the stark darkness of my room. Yet, instead of being downright frightened and alarmed had I been any other person but me, I did nothing at all and just stared right back, waiting for the inevitable.

"It's time" the owner of the yellow eyes said.

It's a scene from the story/novel/trash that is being constructed inside the workroom called my brain. And obviously, there's a lot more story behind than just it...I just can't...ugh...I don't know what's wrong with me. (Here's a little tidbit--it's closely related to our religion, except it's fantasy and sci-fi and about the end of the world...things like that, the second coming of Christ. And the three people which are portrayed in the previously presented scene is the central focus of the story. They're kind of like reincarnations of Mary, Joseph and an extra character, although they AREN'T Joseph and Mary, just the ones who get their roles. Something like that. Oh, this story has been brewing inside my brain for ages.)

Anyhow, I had wanted to write about something else here, previously, but I'll have to postpone it again because I if I start writing about it (It being colonial mentality in the Philippines.) then I'd end up making a very boring, long-winded discussion/debate/rant entry. SO, that's for another time. :)

Kristina's Lament

I guess it has always been one of the greatest questions of all time. What is my purpose in this world? What exactly am I here for? What is my worth? Am I even valuable to today's society? Or am I dispensable?

Sometimes, I, myself, have claimed to know the answers to these mind-'bogglers'(Yes, a made-up word, indeed). But I guess some truths aren't as simple as they should be, some are two-sided and fickle.

I am writing in the midst of hell week, using valuable time for writing on this blog. But i can't help it. I feel like I've just been pummeled by a charging gargantuan rhinoceros, trampled by Hitler's Nazi army, and thrown a thousand feet deeper than the deepest pits of hell. Not a very nice feeling at all.

And this feeling of utter nothingness after, a grim acceptance of fate, aghast and miserable inside, is made all the worse because the tears seem to defy the laws of nature and refuse to fall. All the more worse because I cannot even manifest my misery and sheer hopelessness. Maybe it's shock, I don't know.

This terrible despair just over a damn 6-paged, 100 pointed, math algebra test. Is it worth it? I don't really know if it is for whoever or for this world. But the big deal is, to me it is. It matters so much that now I am again considering the meaning of my life. NO, I am not suicidal just miserable. And I hate it!

How can I be the one who defines myself by my grades? Is my academic achievement all that I possess? Is my worth, my whole being, my 'excellence', defined by an insufficient 2-digit number?? IS IT REALLY? Is this all that I have that can make me valuable in the world? My grades?

I guess, deep down this is what I believe in. A greater foolishness cannot be manifested. Yet, I can't seem to find other things which would make me have some worth in the world. Or am I looking at all the wrong places? Holy mama, I don't know.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

And that's the cherry on top of the icing on the cake. I've always took pride in my academic achievement because I guess I believe it is all I have, therefore, all that could make me valuable. Yet, is it really not meant to be? Is this not really my fate? To be an academic overachiever? Then what else can I be, really? I don't believe I have anything more to offer. My accomplishments were results of my hard work, none of them just by pure talent. Maybe some of the times, but very rarely. Yes, I know all of it, I can look at truth in the face. I know I'm good at art, maybe even better in writing, tolerable in singing and dancing. I even have compassion and I do like helping others. HOWEVER, all my 'great' accomplishments were never the product of my brilliance or excellence in these various fields, but they were born because of my Pride. The Pride in me that refuses to give up because I HAD to succeed. The Pride that gave me the determination and perseverance to be hard-working so as to accomplish great things. I knew if I wasn't at least 'excellent' in my studies, I have nothing more which I possess. See, I am NOTHING. Just a girl filled to the brim by arrogant Pride.

I am no great talent nor am I a selfless philanthropist,I am not the resplendently brilliant diamond in a jar full of copper coins, yet, why was I the one cursed with such great ambition?

Another question ranking the same level of mind 'bogglingness' as those mentioned beforehand.

Oh, Life, God, the Creator, why have you put me in this world where all I can hope to achieve is nothing?

I KNOW I should be thankful that I am receiving a decent education, others aren't. I have a whole family, other's do not. I am healthy, cancer-free, sane enough(I think), living luxuriously enough and I do have at least a quarter of a teaspoon of talent. MAN, I am ALIVE, and others are DEAD! (Or will never have the chance to be born.)

Yet what is the glitch or maybe not a glitch anymore but have become a GREAT FLAW in me that hinders me from being so?

Why is it that I can't get over the fact that because I failed to answer at least 5 questions worth multiple points in the damned 6-paged, 100 pointed math algebra II test? The failure to answering them that may lead to at least 20 points deduction which will result in a mark of 80 over 100 which may then pull my grades below the borderline grade of 85 in the report card which would then make it impossible for me to attain an honor, WHICH will then make me NOT a consistent honor student, therefore, never to go up the stage during graduation, which would then destroy all my dreams.

But then, the question: 'Why does it matter so much?', always ends up popping up. Why does it matter so much? How can my own thinking be so gruesomely warped and distorted that I can't seem to consider myself as a decent human being if I don't graduate with flying colors? I know, my records wouldn't be pristine, would not anymore be sickeningly pure line of 9's and filled with honors. My great "ACHIEVEMENT" and previous hard work to attain all the previous honors WOULD BE FOR NOTHING.

I MIGHT NEVER GO UP ON THAT STAGE ANYWAY! ALL BECAUSE OF ONE FREAKIN SUBJECT!

Which inevitably lead me to question my worth in this world. Was I really made to attain great academic achievements, or was I meant to have another destiny? Or do I have NO destiny at all? Then again, the same question: WHY GIVE ME THIS UNBEARABLE THIRST FOR EXCELLENCE? Or at least this warped form of excellence I can't help but yearn for.

What is my worth?

After all these thoughts have went through my head, my misery is still unable to profess itself. Resulting in this unbearable numbness, maybe even worse than hysterically weeping, mourning the probable impossibility of my dream because of a damned 2-digit number.

Is numbness really better? Or is it really just the calm before the storm?

Hell Week

Hell week's just waiting by the corner. SHOCKS. 2nd Quarter Periodical Tests... Lots and lots of topics and lessons. HOPE I can make my brain work up to par all throughout the whole week. AND that I get off my lazy butt.

MEHN. Wasn't really inspired much to write about anything specific. What should I write about? Well, I just hope I get line of nines in the PT's, get a higher honor, and loose weight! YEY! Hehehe...but during PT's I actually end up eating more as a form of procrastination. :|

ANYHOW, enough about the PT's.

Lately, I haven't been able to go out much. Been busy, schoolwork, choir practices and of course, READING. (I do hope one day I could be the one making the writing...) Starting last month, I was the kind of choir head/president, and I'm happy because my voice quality has improved by a milestone. :) I hope the improvement remains steady. With my new vocal prowess (:D) I am now a member of the choir's group A, aka the elite. Hahaha... J/K! But we are the kind of elite in a way because only group A members would be able to perform/compete. The group B's would be like trainees.

Good accomplishment.

OH, now I know what to really rant about. MATH is just killing me. QUIZESS: 7.5, 7, 7, 9.5, 10, 10, bagsak(I think), bagsak(I wager)...Don't have them yet! NAKAKAINIS! Ms. Bugayong should just give them already, she checks so slowly! MAN. Now PT's just around the corner, how can we review if we don't know our mistakes?? I hope I still get an 85 at least in math. :| It's because Ms. Bugayong has been absent for decades so we had to catch up, therefore get bombarded with lessons and have to take tests immediately after even if we haven't even completely mastered these lessons yet when the other two sections(star sec.) have already had several practice sheets/whatnot. HOW unfair.

I guess my Filipino's just as bad. 10, 9, 7, 6, 9, 9, 8 cancel the 6. STILL LOW. Just happy she's making me recite more, so at least I can make up for it somewhat. Hope I get line of 9!!!

So these are just little tidbits of what's going on in my head (which has decided, on the worst moment ever, to go on leave. So I am also currently brain dead, or at least my brain is lagging....) which has almost too much to handle.

LOVELOVELOVE--KC

"If God sends us on stony paths, he will provide us with strong shoes."

...have to advance Chinese! Dami aaralin. :(

Overload

Not really overload as in homework overload. Just that I have so much to say again. I want to write about the Neanderthals, the prreeeevious topic we had in AP. Haha...so long ago, back in first quarter. (It's already the second quarter)

Ha, talking about the quarters reminds me of the periodical tests or PT's. GAAAD. I think I won't get second honor anymore....AGH, don't think about it. I HOPE I GET SECOND FRICKEN HONOR. GAAAAM... I only got a frickin line of 8 in Science! I hate my arithmetic skills. I suck in mental math. Oh, mehn. And science is one of my fortes. SUPPOSEDLY. At least I still got a 94 in English. Thank papa. Oh yea, and I got perfect in CLE. :) And you know what?? My lowest was HOOOOLY FUGGIN FILIPINO! An 81! Binibining Lazaro is a grade-murderer. :| But she teaches really good, she just tests us so HARD. MAHN. My math is even higher than Filipino, what a shocker.

Enough about grades.

Since I have been dormant for the past 2 months. I shall begin ranting about my class and whatever is related to it. HA HA HA.

First of all, yes!, I'm in a star section. :) And the one with the valedictorian at that. I'm hoping being in a star section will help me grade-wise too. It's not really that much of a change. Just that about 90% of the class are composed of smarts. But they're all very kind people! I'm so glad they're my classmates. Hahaha...I think I'm irritating them a lot already, with my endless inquiries about the assignments and whatnot. I hope not.

But of course, with the good also comes the evil. There are some people that are still shallow too. VERY MUCH SO. AGH. And I'm pretty offended by the people who make fun of me, but I just try my best to not mind them. They don't mean nothin' anyway. If you think about it, they are pitiful creatures with nothing better to do than waste time criticizing others for no purpose at all, just because they have nothing better to do or that's all their puny minds can handle. Ha, they suck assssss. But what really offended me the most was that I had NEVER been mean to them that way, i even encouraged them and in a strange way, prayed and supported them. It just stings when people you previously thought were decent ones turned out to be the exact opposite.

But enough about them. Hahaha... I am also in the Science Achiever's program. We are the top 20 people in the batch in SCIENCE. Yes, science. We have kind of like 'extension' classes every Thursday until 5:30 PM. It's kind of fun actually. And our teacher's nice even if her English isn't that great, but she's aware of it and at least tries to improve. She's Ms. Bernardo and she's a Chemistry teacher. The class is kind of like an advanced one, but not really. We are supposed to be develop and enhance our skills by the end of the program. And be prepared for college tests and college itself. We WILL also have experiments and currently have a presentation by each group which my group are still not done with.

Pretty cool, huh?

Everything is ok so far. My teacher's are ok, my class is ok, and life is ok. But I don't really want OK, ya' know? I want a ginormous, bright, flashing, neon 'GREAT'.

Oh well, hope it becomes that way one day. I keep hoping too much, don't I? It's just that I don't feel fulfilled, like there's something lacking. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. i have an idea, but it's too...whatever to be even written down here.

P.S. I am also planning on writing a poem about a tree. I know, random, but it's just a thought. And, I don't want to forget. :) It's pending title is 'If a tree could love...' Gives you already an idea of what's it about.

I, Kristina. LOL.

"Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light." - A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'engle

Summer is ending and school's about to start.

I think it is true, you know. We adolescents have very unstable moods. It's so fickle. It IS like a cycle, like what Valeriano Hernandez-Pena said about happiness. You're so unbelievably happy one moment and the next, it's gone as fast as the wind and replaced with infinite sadness and hopelessness that you're left to wonder if you've ever even felt an iota of that happiness in the first place. Or vice versa.

I encounter this ALWAYS.

God, it hurts. My dad, just slightly raising his voice at me. I guess the effect of his anger is multiplied because he so rarely lets go of it that when he does, you know that he's finally lost all his patience. AND he's a very patient person.

Just shows how infuriating I am and how bad and noisy and big-mouthed I am. I do hate myself.

He just slightly raised his voice at me when he told me to leave and go because we had choir and I was shouting at him about my iPod. And THAT made me cry and lose my composure, so I missed choir. I don't want ANYBODY seeing me lose my composure and bawling my eyes out. (And my mom has to shout to me a lot of harsh and very painful words and give a sermon to me before I cry.)

And yesterday, I was feeling so happy and content.

Wow.

I do feel regret you know. For missing choir. But I guess I can't undo it and if I still go I would be late and that would be bad. After all, for sir, being late is just as bad as being absent. Or maybe even worse, I dunno.

So I haven't been updating for a long time. Well, obviously since I missed choir, now I have time, but I'm about to fix my room soon. And I haven't had time for the past few weeks. It has been hectic. Competition in swimming, competition AND concert in choir.

Ok, this was good therapy.

:) Catch you later. :))

Emptiness

I feel so hopeless. I feel so empty. Like I'm just some walking corpse, empty inside. yeah, yeah, yeah, emo, all that shit. Whatever. Eat shit. If you don't even understand what I'm saying then you're not even worth it.

Whenever I'm feeling down or that when I feel like just giving up, I have nowhere to run to. I'm a kid. I know nothing. I'm stuck. No one will hear me out. No one I can trust to listen to everything I'll have to say. Every piece of harshness and cruelty and goodness and benevolence I will have to say. No one who would really listen and not judge me. No one in my life. Only thing I can do? Cry my freakin' eyeballs out. And the only thing keeping me sane? Nothing. Exactly. I am an insane young girl. Ha. ha.

I've been reading "A Purpose Driven Life" because, if you don't know then you're just really, really, daft. Obviously it's because i feel like I'm living for nothing. Breathing, enduring, all for nothing. And you know what, I don't even think it's all worth it. Sometimes I really just want to go and leave everything. I just wanna DIE. SHEEET. But I know it's a sin and I'm a coward so I never really tried it.

And as contradictory as it may seem, I have dreams, lots of them. I wanna be super rich and successful. I want to leave my mark on earth, I want my name to be at the end of famous quotes. I want to be remembered. I want to save the environment. I want to stop global warming or at least control it. I want to be happy. I want to be an artist, a dancer. I want to be good in everything I do, or even just EXCELLENT in art and dancing and academics. I wantED to write a book that will change the world and be as much of a global phenomenon as HP or better yet, even more. I want to meet that special someone and to marry him and have children. I want to experience raising my children and having a family. I want my soul mate to be there when the time comes and to take care for me. I want happiness. I want the happy ending, the happily ever after. The fantasy Disney princess ending. I want want want want want SO MUCH. And I'm afraid I'll never even get just one of them. I'm afraid that I'll never be even strong enough to accomplish any of those dreams. I don't even think anyone will be capable of loving me and everything that is me.

I'm such a nothing. I'm nothing. There's nothing I am truly proud of at myself so I resort to superficial things to make myself proud of me.

I feel so useless. I feel so cruel. I feel feel feel feel feeel...

So according to the book I'm reading, you aren't supposed to be happy here in the Earth because this is not your home. Our home is heaven. When we die, it is not the end, it is when we are born into heaven. "And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life." -Prayer of St. Francis

And I want to be home, where there is eternal and pure happiness. When i will see my Maker and talk to Him. Somewhere I won't be bothered by these petty things. Like school and my room and my family and generally my life. WHY can it not just END??? HOLY EFFING PACKING TAE!!! WHY THE HECK NOT?? I don't want this anymore. There's NOTHING in this life for me. NOTHING. NO-THING. NO-ONE. N O T H I N G. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

NOTHING.

nothing. NO ONE. NONE.

But I know deep inside that isn't true. I do want to live because I have my family and even if they don't understand me(yes Bean is right, no one truly understands anybody, not even YOU understand yourself, at least not entirely.)I do love them. And I have too much dreams and the one dream I love the most is my dream to love wholeheartedly and to be loved unconditionally in return. To have children who are both a part of me and someone I love so much it hurts. To love and be loved.

Even I'm getting sick of my romantic thoughts.

...

But I guess it'll never happen. But I'm still hoping that it will happen.

The paradox that is me. WELCOME.

GoT, I hate school.

KILL me now please. But of course, I don't mean that.

But I HATE SCHOOL-that, I mean.

Britain's Got Talent

Such a cute little thing, ain't he?

His voice is just plainly tremendous! It's like an older man's! It's very hard to believe that he's just a ten-year-old kid and he has a voice like that! So powerful and mature!

AND, he looks like he's got some Asian blood too! Watch closely, his mother even looks like a Filipina. :)

Such a talented kid. He left all of us speechless and staring in awe! Wow!



This is Madonna Decena, a Filipina. I discovered BGT through the newspaper, when they announced Madonna's achievement. I'm happy for her and her kids.

And I know, there may be a reason for it(her being a club singer and all, she may be used to it. Or maybe, for attention.), but she wears indecent clothes. I would be more appreciative and people would probably respect her more, if she dressed modestly. :)



YES! That's my mother! BIG GIRLS POWER! Hahahahaha!! JOKE! This video really made me crack up! Hahahaha! It's just so amusing, but I guess, you have to admire her guts! Lakas ng loob!



This lady, is Iona and she's a contortionist! So amazing and brilliant! Absoulutely fantastic but freaky too! Hahahah! I've watched a couple of shows that also have gymnasts/contortionists/whatnot, but she is just as or even more captivating than the others.



O my Got, this video really touched me. It actually made me cry. What the judges said really pulled the trigger. I empathized with him. I can't believe that people could really be so mean MOST of the times. And it is true that people bully kids because in some way or another, bullies are jealous of other people's talents and what other people have that they can ever dream of having(Piers).

His voice is so pure. Such a clear and angelic soprano. His singing reminded me of Choirboys. They also even sang the same song, "Pie Jesu". I wish he would win(he deserves it! :]) and gain more self-belief because he is capable of winning.(Just like Simon said)

The look of his eyes when the judges told them their praises for his talent/singing was just a look of plain joy and happiness. It's all very touching. :)

Ha, I hate bullies. (Just like mean girls...)

Check it out. The show Britain's Got Talent has a site in YouTube. It's really great. There are even more fantastic videos there. :) Here's the link: http://youtube.com/user/BritainsGotTalent08 (Just copy, paste it.)
OR you can just click the title of this Blog entry, the link is also there. :)

Come rain, come thunder!

I really, really don't know why. I don't know why I am suddenly in a better mood when the storm and the rain comes. I love the rain, the thunder. I love the smell of the air promising rain to come. It's just, majestic! Hahahahaha... I love brownouts, the cold the thunderstorms bring. The relief from the ruthless heat of summer. :) I thrive in the rain. I simply love it.

I mean, isn't it miraculous? The rain. The hurricane. It destroys. Trees get battered by the strong wind and they fall. Roofs are blown away. Houses broken and destroyed. People are left homeless. Electric and phone lines, disrupted. But the rain also builds. It waters the soil for new saplings to grow. The fallen trees become hindrances and cause more destruction but they can also become nourishment for the land and soil. The rain cleanses. For me, I feel rejuvenated and my soul is cleansed. I feel reborn and alive.

See...I've been deeply depressed yesterday. But before yesterday, I was confident. I was in a high, then from flying, I instantly plummeted. Down, down, down. Tears were summoned forth. It was irrational and so sudden. It was weird. I don't even know how to explain it myself. Dunno, if it's hormones or whatever. But I think I AM just really lacking in the self-esteem and self-confidence department.

For me, I am very fat and it disgusts me. I don't know why, but it does. I mean I'm not obese or anything...I just am not in my preferred weight. Heheheh...

Don't wanna remember it anymore. :( I just am not satisfied. I know...it's so ungrateful. I should be thankful I have a home to live in, food to eat, clothes to wear, good education, etc. etc.

But I really don't know why...

I'm just NOT satisfied. I'm not happy. I don't feel fulfillment.

I get very high grades, I don't look bad(well, my face doesn't), if I loose weight, I would definitely look great, I have a loving family, I can make art, I can dance well(I think) but really...sometimes I feel as if it means nothing. I'm a very mean person, so self-centered and cruel. I only think of myself most of the time and I wager that the only thing I care about almost as much as I care about me is the environment. Or, that's probably how others perceive me.

But I do love my family. I just don't really treat them nicely. I am mean, cruel and self-centered. Very frank and honest. But maybe, not enough to myself about issues concerning myself.

I do feel bad whenever I hurt them verbally, or for instance, abuse Ileana's kindness and forgivingness. I feel bad when I talk back to my parents, but I do believe despite the fact that they are my parents, I should still have the freedom to tell them what I think. I feel bad when I abuse people's kindness. I feel bad whenever I treat people like they're just a lowly spec of dust. I feel bad when I hurt people by what I say. But I can't help it. I believe in honesty is the best policy shit that I always, ALWAYS, say what is on my mind, I simply cannot lie to people. Call it tactless, thoughtless, or whatever. You're probably right.

I'm such a contradiction. Most of the times my actions are not in coherence with my intentions. I'm just--I dunno! There's just so many things that I feel in one instant...it's such a jumbled mess and the output is not nice. When I'm not in a good mood anyway. Heh. I'm sick of it.

I am almost certain I have an inferiority complex. I feel like shit whenever someone in a room is more prettier than me. So irrational...so unexplainable, so damn STUPID. I don't even know why I feel that way. I am such a conundrum.

Oh man. I guess being stuck in the house for so long surrounded by so much mess leads us plummeting to depression.

Got( ;] ), this sucks.

And it looks like the rain's over.

Why do girls always feel the need to cause drama?

Today we had training again. Hahahaha...I've got serious thoughts again...maybe I should just type them tomorrow.

Eh.

Why do girls remain in packs? Why can't they ever be an individual, standing for themselves and independent of their cliques? At least, why are most girls that way? I mean, I'm a girl, but I ain't like that. Ridiculous.

I'd rather have a single best bud than a pack full of backstabbing lying beaches. I'd rather have one person who I can trust implicitly and not have to worry because that one person might spill my secrets. I'd rather have one person I can rely on no matter what happens, i.e. someone who'll always be there for me. Someone who I am sure isn't just faking it. Just one best bud, and I'm ecstatic.



But girls, why do they always have to have cliques to feel like they belong? To feel good and to feel "in". Very superficial and hardly worth anything. Most of my same gender care so much about clothes, style, their weight(!!!got a lot to say about this), aesthetic appeal, make-up, etcetera, etcetera. All those superficial. Very much so.

I mean I won't deny I am self-conscious too, I do care much about clothes and how I look too. But not like OTHER girls. Some of them just have too much vanity and care too much about freshness outside they forget that inside, they're already rotting. Rotting so strong it reeks. Eh. I hate those kind of girls. One particular girl I know says--well, there are two of them, rather--she doesn't like wearing clothes again. She doesn't like wearing the same outfit again. And not again as in again everyday, but again as in again. As in she abhors wearing the same outfit again even though it's already clean and nicely ironed and all that beejeezus. Such a model ain't she. Yup, she's a model too and VERY much proud about it. She'll rub it in your face 'till she erases your face off your head. Hahahaha...what a superficial person. I do pity her, I must say.

Then there's this other person, one whom I love very much. She's disappearing, literally. She's like, I dunno, 5'2'' and she weighs approximately 93-105 pounds. But she's big-boned. She's already smaller than extra small. She hardly eats, only when she really, really has to. She's already acidic. She's VERY weight conscious it's ridiculous because she's already way below underweight. AND she's beautiful. I mean, she is, I don't get how she can miss that when she looks in the mirror and not be satisfied by what she sees. She was already beautiful back when she still had a little fat on her when she reduced her weight, but now she's just a wispy thing. So fragile-looking, you think one swat, one punch, one hit would obliterate her.

I really am in a very huge dilemma because I don't know what to do. I don't even know the cause of her apparent anorexia. I have guesses, yes, but they're just that, guesses. Yes, I admit, I haven't even faced her about it. Such a coward, aren't I? But it's hard. So many people have already faced her and talked to her about it. I'm afraid if I talk to her, I would even worsen the problem and not do anything to solve it at all. It's such a very sensitive topic. At least around her... She gets touchy about it.

I suppose she gets touchy about it because of the reason which I guess is what's behind her apparent anorexia. She was formerly a big girl. She was overweight and plainly fat. I guess she still sees the same old pudgy, overweight girl in the mirror and never sees the truth that she is already disappearing, and fast at that.

ARGH. I am frustrated! Why do girls have to be superficial so much they'd hurt themselves just to be as "perfect" as how they perceive perfection to be. It's stupid and pointless and just plainly S-T-U-P-I-D!! ARGHARGHARGH!! I guess, the question is, why do most people have to be so superficial? So concerned about what's visible? I mean, I admit I am a very self-conscious girl too, I'm overweight, but never to the point of actually getting myself sick in the head with psychological disorders and barfing my dinner. I have enough common sense and control and rationality not to do that.

And that's just two thing I hate about my gender.

Another is why can't they not stand on their own? Why do they have to stand behind the shadow of their cliques/"barkadas"(as we call them in the Philippines)? WHY? It's so pathetic. Can't they be a separate entity, being that they do have the capacity to be independent from the group because they were born as individuals? Why are most girls so reliant, so dependent on their cliques? To the point that it's ridiculous. They can't go to the comfort room on their own. Pathetic. Can't go anywhere without at least one clique member with them. Can't do laps by themselves. It's like they're all getting retarded that the clique leader has to think of everything for them. "Can I go with her, Ashley?" "No, you stay right here. Let her go with Bree." PATHETIC PATHETIC PATHETIC. Can they not think on their own? After all, they were given brains with the capacity to think, weren't they? Weren't we all?

They think that being in is being seen with others physically constantly, anywhere, anytime. And that just shows how weak their bond is. How superficial their "in-ness" or belongingness is because it has to be manifested by visible physical aspects. It has to be PROVED. And I say WTH? Who needs to prove feelings, if they're true? If you love someone unconditionally, you have to prove it by taking the bullet?

GAHHH. So stupid and ridiculous and JUST PLAIN PATHETIC.

"What is essential is invisible to the eye." --The Little Prince

He's so young but he's already outsmarted those ditzy, superficial, dependent girls, eh?

Yes, I know, you might say, I'm so jealous of the bond these other girls have that I'm so spiteful of their "relationship". And I'll say, "What bond? Relationship? My arse." and laugh out loud right in front of your face. Why would I ever want to be "included" in a superficial bond? Why would I ever want to be in a clique full of people who pretend to be friends but are destroying each other's image and reputation behind each other's backs? Why would I want to be part of a group where everyone is trying so hard to fit in, they forget their identity? They forget that while humans were made to be social creatures, we are still capable of individual thoughts and actions. We still have an identity we keep to distinguish ourselves from others. We don't have to lose ourself just to fit in.

"The man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away." --Charles Schwab




Please do me a favor: be who you are.


P.S. Just so you know, these thoughts entered my brain again because earlier, during the training ceratin people were having the "dependent-clique-lackey" symptoms too much, it almost made me puke my guts out.

Shy's B-day and Religious Queries

We had choir practice this morning. 10am-12pm. It was also Shy's B-day last April 16, I think. So we had food! Yey! We had Yellow Cab, Hawaiian pizza and spaghetti. Last April 14 was Gabe's B-day too. He cooked us DELICIOUS spaghetti. Hahahaha. Many people attended today. We were 22, I think. Ate Crisan also attended, she's the Alto 2 "supporter" or whatever you call it. Sir Raul brought 2 of his students, I think, to help the choir out. Ate Crisan for alto 2 and ate Marion(? Not sure about her name) for soprano 2. BTW, I was transferred to alto 2 because previously, there were only 2 alto 2's(Ynna and Shen). I think today wasn't a very good day for me in choir. Hehehehe... Oh well. You can't have everything, can you?

Back Here at home, I am supposed to fulfill my promise now, aren't I? I guess I should start now. Ehhh. Hahahaha... Procrastinating...

Hmmm...After choir practice, Ileana and I also went to the prayer room. The one beside our practice room. It's air-conditioned inside too. We prayed.

You know, recently, I've been having uncertainties about religion and all that jazz. It's just well not at all reasonable. It's not that I'm an atheist or anything serious like that but I am beginning to have doubts. And, I don't like it. :( I do hope I regain my constant, unflagging faith I had in God since I was little. I mean, there's just too many loopholes in our religion.

First, the greatest question put against our religion, probably(or probably not, whatever): "Why did God make us?". I mean, why are we here now, what's our purpose? Or is there none at all? Why do we exist? Is there a reason to all this? Well, the Bible and school says that it's because God wanted to share His love. He wanted to manifest it, so he made the world and as a "consequence"(?) of that he made us to be stewards of nature. To have dominion over all creatures.

For me, that explanation is already pretty vague. I mean, if he does love us and the world we are living in now, then why are so many suffering? Dying, cheated, in despair, sick, miserable? Why is there no justice in the world today? WHY? Oh, they say it's so we can learn, ok, that's plausible, but what about other cases like injustice? Are the injustices falling upon us our fault? For some, probably. BUT, for most? I think not.

Another answer they have for my question? Well, they also say that it's because of the consequences of our inherent original sin. Well, that's just blah. Because we weren't even the one who sinned then. AND, if Adam and Eve were really pure and holy as God created them, being the first humans and all that, then they weren't really supposed to have human weaknesses yet, right? Because human weaknesses existed because of that first sin. And so, Eve wasn't ALLOWED(hahahah) to fall into temptation. They also say that she was tempted and sinned because she abused her human freedom. Or something like that. EGHA...whatever.

Also, if he loves our world, then why are so many animals slowly becoming extinct? Why are mountains deforested? Why are THEY the ones suffering because of us? Why doesn't HE protect THEM? HE's omnipotent, right?

I know, nature suffering will equal to us suffering too, in the long run. But still, why do they have to die? I know, so we learn. But others don't even care about it. And everyone is suffering when not even everyone is at fault, or at least, not everyone is at the same degree most are at fault. Many try to change what's slowly happening to our Earth. But they're few compared to those who doesn't even try to do something about it. Or maybe they do try sometimes, but less.

Also, the people who will mostly suffer from the things that are happening to our environment are the people in the future. See, the people who contributes to pollution now, will not end up being the ones who suffer the most because of their polluting because pollution takes a long time to destroy things. It's like this. The people from the past also contributed to the pollution we have today, and I know we also contribute even more, but you see, we also suffer because of their pollution/gas/CO2 emissions. It adds up.

Yes, I know, I might just be feeling sombre today or something, but that is not the case because I do think these thoughts occasionally. My arguments just built up eventually. Hahahaha... I'm becoming hopeless and maybe disillusioned, I think. So sad...

Back to Swimming

I guess because this is the first entry, it should be great. But I say "kiss my pwet" because I think this entry is nothing spectacular, just my thoughts so far.

We are back. Hahaha... Training again. We only did about 2200m today. But we had core training(before swimming) too. I like it. I mean, I like training again. Getting active again and not just lazing around in the house. EXERCISE!

Back here at home...It is currently in chaos.(in even more chaos than normal) T_T At least the attic's done. Brother's new room. My FUTURE room is the current junkyard. Even though a room is already full of junk and our various belongings, there are still a lot scattered all over the house. And personally, I hate it. I hate the mess. The mess makes it harder to concentrate. Lola even said, "'Di na makahinga sa bahay na 'to.". It's very distracting.... ARGH.

So I am promising myself to fix all my stuff and put it in boxes so as to separate it from all the other junk of my family. HOPEFULLY, before school starts, the house is already in proper order so that I can study peacefully in MY(FINALLY) room. Technically, I guess it still is not mine, mine, because after approximately 10 years I would be sharing it with Gita. Hahahaha... How absurd, I would be 24 by then.

So far summer is OK. Nothing good really happening. Nothing bad either. Just kind of relaxing. I hope that I had been enrolled already in the dance school my father's always yapping about. Heheheh. Because the other schedule is from May 1-28 already, I think. It's such a waste because we're still not going anywhere this April. Hopefully we'll go somewhere good and have mega loads of fun because I DESERVE IT! Buwahahahha...Joke, but we all really need this break. I had been so swamped with so much schoolwork during school time. But still, I appreciate this break I have from all the work and stress. :)

Goodbye for now,
Kristina