Happiness: In Him alone

AMAZINGLY, I'm actually NOT depressed today. :) Just calm, everything's just fine.

Just a thought that have been plaguing me for a while.

It's just kind of sad to think that I live for the weekend, that every weekday, with all its burden--from school and whatnot--I just really, REALLY wait for the weekend to arrive. So I get 'rest' days which aren't at all enough or restful, what with choir and my tendency of sleeping later than I should. If you think about it, it IS a very miserable existence, if this really is just what my life is: an endless cycle of weekends and weekdays.

But, let us not contemplate such lonely thoughts today. Not today.

I've decided to write something happy for once, since I've realized I've been whining and complaining at almost all the entries I have ever posted here. Beforehand, I didn't even know what happy thoughts I was going to write about. But upon typing the word 'complaining', a memory was triggered so now I have something perfectly happy to write about. Wonderful.

Ms. Ng, our CLE (Christian Life Education) teacher, had always been a very cheerful person. And its always heartening to see her, because she lifts your face and literally turns your frown into an unwilling smile. She's a saint. And I can't forget the time--well, it wasn't that long ago--when she said that we shouldn't complain so much. That for the last two remaining periods after her class, we should try our best not to complain about anything, or better yet, not to complain at all. I forgot why, or what exactly was our lesson then. But more recently, we've watched the Passion of Christ, and it is honestly, the first time I have ever watched it. It really struck me, but what Ms. Ng has been saying (interrupting our watching) was what really struck me more.

Seeing all the blood gushing forth from every single wound inflicted on His body, the flesh being broken and lacerated by filthy, disgusting, yet sharp things, seeing Him tortured and handled so rudely and unfairly, you can't help but to grimace in pain, as if you're being punished yourself, or just to weep in agony. Well, truth be told, I did weep a lot in that movie, yet what made the tears flow more steadily was what Ms. Ng said. She said something along the lines of: It's remarkable how anyone could love us so much, so willing to suffer, die and be humiliated for us. We can never do anything that is enough to be deserving of this much love. WE DO NOT DESERVE HIS LOVE. And everytime we do something wrong, we cause him more pain too. And we are more at sin and at fault than the Romans who crucified him, for they literally did not entirely know what they were doing, that He really is divine. YET, we have all this evidence of His divinity and still we persecute Him. (She said she got this bit from C.S. Lewis and Mel Gibson, I think)

It just really struck something in me. She said, He had to be crucified, WHY? for me. For you, for us all.

It really is a great comfort that no matter how horrible a person you may think you are, how many sins you have committed, how many people you've persecuted yourself, SOMEONE will ALWAYS love you. Teacher said too that there is NOTHING, NOTHING ever that we can do to make God NOT love us.

He suffered so much for us, that's why we should make it worth it. You know, I've never really uncovered the secret of life or maybe in my subconscious I'm just refusing to accept and acknowledge it, but for sure I know one thing. I don't ever want to cause any person the same pain others inflicted on Him.(Duh, I know) Or even just a fraction of it. I don't ever want to cause Jesus any more pain than what he had to carry on that cross of his.

I know that now I've lost most of the vigor, zeal and life I had had previously. My will to live is just a lot less. Yet, I am content. I am happy for the simple knowledge that if there is no other thing certain in this world, His love for me is. And in Him, I seek my comfort.

I know about all the things people have said about religion, and all the arguments people have come up with. Maybe, He is just man's creation to comfort himself. To tell himself that this is not all that life beholds, that there is something after this life. Whatever other people may say, no matter how sound their argument, I know that He is here, with me, always.

Faith is founded on trust and love, and if the beauty of each raindrop that falls, the power of the thunder that shakes the earth, and the gentleness of the sun's caress upon your face is not proof enough of His everlasting presence here with us, then maybe nothing ever will be good enough for you. And if that is so, I pity you.

P.S. And I almost forgot something, teacher also said that we shouldn't be sad at all when watching the Passion, because it is a happy story. It is the greatest love story ever told.