An Unsent Letter

I don't really care anymore...

(Just hoping for an OPEN mind from everyone who reads this...)

But, ate Sarah, why the TOOT do you think you're not yet 'skinny' enough? And why should it bother you so much that you're not that skinny? I mean, I don't really understand why you're so into getting 'skinnier' when you already are VERY skinny. I just really don't get why it affects someone as smart as you so much. I don't KNOW what to think. Ano ba, media? And BS naman nun, and very petty. It's such a shallow reason. You need to get skinny just cause others are skinny too? Or just because they're skinnier than you?

O sige, if not that, it's because you want to be healthy. I know it's your life and you don't like it when others interfere with it AND I know it may seem so cowardly and cold, insensitive and all that, for me to be doing this online BUT I REALLY think you're so overdoing being vegan/vegetarian or whatever you call that, I don't really care. But, what's life without a little indulgence? Sobrang nakakistorbong makita iyong isang taong may maliking problema sa sarili niyang katawang sobrang payat na pero para sa kanya ewan ko. Hindi ko na talaga maunawan, dati pa ito nakatago pero wala na, kailangan ko na talaga sabihin. And I know that I am a coward and this is cowardice, but I know that everyone else in the family is thinking along those lines.

And I know that you don't like us telling you what to do or interfering, but that's what family is for. Kung kahit pamilya mo'y hindi kikibo kahit alam nila mali ka, sino pa'ng tutulong sa'yo? Nakakahabag. Kung kahit pamilya mo, 'di kaya sa iyo sabihin ang totoo, sino pa'ng iimik? Kung hindi ka haharapin ng kahit sarili mong pamilya...kawawang nilalang.

Sure, I like being healthy too and maybe for you the way I'm living is unhealthy. Heck, for you, probably like 90% of us, mere humans, does NOT live 'healthy'. But, is the way you're living really 'healthy'? Maybe for you, but maybe not for how others define 'healthy'. I respect you wanting to be healthy and all that but please, sana wag mo pa ring kalimutan alagaan iyong sarili mong katawan. Please.

I know that this is the way you want to live your life. But I just want you to know that I strongly disagree with some of your choices and I'm sorry for not saying them to you face to face but I believe everyone in the family should know and you too. Maybe this is part of my Christmas gift to you--honesty and the truth AT LAST.

I am sorry if this will ruin everything. Your Christmas, our relationship, if this will alienate everyone from me or you from me or all of us from each other. But, as Star says, 'The truth will prevail.' Or something like that. I am sorry if this offends you and I know it will but I just had to do it. But I still love you and that's why I'm telling you this, even though I know you've already heard it from a lot of people.

When everything else falls apart, the only sure thing that will be left standing is your family.

Somehow this turned out to be much longer than I intended it to be.

Di ko lang talaga gets. Sorry. Ok lang kung magalit ka. But I just want to know, why the obssession?

Love,
Kristina

Sorry e-mail lang. Sorry sorry sorry. But I had to say it. Ileana may not have been as direct but I know that someone will eventually have to tell you. It's just that...uRAGAH....

Thanks btw, if you actually read everything. Just wanted you to know.

(was supposed to send it )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chickened out. :)

I guess I realized that it wasn't really worth it. It's nearing Christmas and it is already the "November girls'" birthdays. Me on the 26th, my aunt on the 28th, and my grandma on the 29th, today. I didn't really want to ruin the mood.

I think that it wouldn't have made much of a difference anyway. I think she knows what I put there. I think it would have been an unnecessary cause for argument. As I've said, it was also too cold and impersonal to just send it in the yahoogroups, broadcasting it to everyone. I guess I realized that it would be much better if I just confronted her about it.

But, in reality, maybe I really am just a coward, because though I'm saying all these, I really am torn. I want her to know all these because she might not know all of the things I've said, for example, about the family part. But the again, I don't want to cause unnecessary dispute and cause a possible huge fight. Big things does come from small thing after all.

So though I chickened out from pressing the send button, I'm going to press another one now called 'Publish Post'.

Let Fate decide.