Avatar-incited mind-wanderings

I'll start with the superficial stuff. I love AVATAR because of its wonderful special effects. I mean, just the colors sent me into an artistic ecstasy! O MEHN! The forest, their world, Pandora---it was just magnificent! The natives and their tattooed blue skin, the creatures, the plants, flowers and trees--everything was just full of life and color. AHHHHHHHH. A feast for the eyes. That's probably what made it a candidate for nomination for best picture too.

If it were a book, I'd say it was a very well-written and well-plotted one. It was just superb--enough for me to compare it with a book! It's story, characters and the world it dared to create had the depth of those that can be found in books.

And for its message...Avatar's message was what I wanted to reveal to the whole world through a book I would have loved to have written too. (I had planned to write a story with a similar message but a different plot to open the eyes of my "readers".)

Our world is dying. And why? Because of us. Because of our selfishness: greed, lust and gluttony. We just love to hoard and take and take and take---even those that were never ours to begin with. In Avatar, the natives were practiced a religion similar to paganism and Buddhism/Hinduism--even our very own, Catholicism. They believed in the beauty of all life. They respected it--which we still fail to do even now.

Their forest was one full of life and creatures. It was a vibrant, thriving, vast living thing. Notice the singular verb? Yes, they believed that everything was joined together too--much like

(I know it's a game card...or whatever you call it. But it was the only picture I can find with the swamp! :) )
the swamp in Avatar: The Last Airbender. Their message was about the interconnectedness of everything. We are all one. (Just like in the book,

The 5 people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom) This is a philosophy I truly believe in too. I believe that selflessness is the humility of and joy in finally realizing that we are all just one. I breathe and live for you. I am the tree, the flower, the ant, the sun, I AM THE DAY. I am you and you are me. "Love others as you love yourself."

And it kills me how we still continue on living as if this lesson isn't true. Is not the message of God and other religions enough---AND NOW EVEN SCIENCE--to stop people from destroying our very own home, planet Earth? Why do we waste so much on things we don;t need and buy happiness with material things when the only true happiness, peace and joy comes from nothing but unity with all that is OURS AND NOT OURS, with GOD and mother Earth.

True happiness is selflessness. True joy is finally realizing I am one with the soil I step on now.

Sometimes I just feel so hopeless because I look at the city we live in and think about the amount of trees killed just to erect these cold, hard buildings. I wonder how many lives were lost because of me. I consume so much too. These clothes I'm wearing were from trees, albeit in a very altered and impure form. This computer I'm using is using up energy through electricity produced by fossil fuels which might never be replaced again. PEOPLE, HUMANITY use up too much things that are not even vital for our survival. We don't need He-knows-how-many brands of candy and chocolate and clothes and whatever to survive.

Why have capitalism and consumerism taken root over everything? Why is it now a part of every human culture--though, admittedly, some still aren't subject to its evil...

This is sometimes just too much to bear. It is overwhelming. I feel as though through the mere occupation of living I am destroying the world which allowed me to live in the first place. Why must this be so?

This is something I would very much like to ask Bo Sanchez as well. What is his stand in regards to the environment (and our Filipino government)?


I just love Aang and Avatar (the Nickelodeon series) :D

AVATAR

Fantastic movie. One of the greatest I've seen. It definitely is one of my absolute favorites.

This movie just delivered what I want out of any form of entertainment--life lessons. Or even simple mind-boggling things. It made me think. It made me remember...

It rekindled the passive fire inside my heart. It opened Pandora's box--My emotions--the sorrow, the worry, the fears, the hopelessness, the hopefulness, the tears, the torment...everything just came back out and my love for mother nature and the conflict in my soul about what we're doing to her, whom God lovingly gifted to us, reared their ugly head. Everything burst free.

(This post will be continued. The muse is currently out of town.)

Radical Changes

The past month has bred radical changes. Not just that one month, I guess. It's the summation of everything that has happened preceding it too--isn't it always like that in life? Every small thing we do always sums up to something greater.

My faith has changed--or its strength, ferocity, to be exact. My goals, my own perception of life, my mind-set--these have all been altered. Seriously altered--forever altered? As of now, I'm not yet sure.

But let's get down to it. OR them.

First, my faith. AHH! Bo Sanchez is now one of my idols too, together with the Jabbawockeez. :)

He's just a model of everything I can become. He's a great speaker, he's a great leader, he's a great Catholic. He is just GREAT. He writes, he preaches, he leads--he does everything for God. He's such a busy man and in spite of that, find time for his own family.

Actually, just knowing everything that he does makes me exhausted. He writed at least 3 books a year, he makes daily videos for his site, preacherinbluejeans.com, he writes in various magazines AND is the founder of one. He's a founder of a lot of things. I'm sure I can learn a lot from him.

I'm supposed to say here that I hope my faith becomes as strong as his one day--BUT I'm almost afraid to become just like him. I mean, I can't give up everything for God just yet. And that's the bare truth. I can't sacrifice all thing material for all things immaterial--or maybe I just don't want to.

Weird thing is, it's not hard to admit that to myself. I'm not even afraid to say it. Maybe because it is the truth--and it sets you free, right?

Second, ahh. I am officially a Jabbawockeez fan. HAHAHA. and that's a big deal.

Thrid, I am finally sure what I want to be when I grow up--to be a preacher slash dancer. :D Different, I know.

And being a dancer changes a lot of things for me. I get sky high grades, have a lot of things going for me--just your typical overachiever and being that, people expect a lot from me. When they think about my future, the words, Scientist, Doctor, Lawyer, President, ETCETERA, ETCETERA, pop out. But never ever a dancer.

But I fully realized just recently that what I really want to be in life is just supposed to be what I, I, I and GOD wants for me. I think this is it. I'm almost sure it is.

The major, and probably the most superficial, hindrance to my realizing this was my desire to be rich in the future. But I realized, it didn't really matter if I become rich, only if I am helping others in the way God had planned for me--doing what I love most. :)

And if it's to dance. THEN IT IS. And no one else can stop me from doing so.

Thank the Lord, for my ability, for his blessings, for his love. :D

Humility

PT week just finished. Glad the exams are done. :D

This thought has been pervading my mind ever since it first stumbled its way into my head.

Studying is a proof of humility. You bow down your head, admitting that what you are reading, you do not know yet--or at least do not master yet.

It requires enough courage
to embark on a seemingly impossible quest.
(50 pages worth of studying for each day
for five consecutive days.)

It needs perseverance
to continue trekking trough the thick mud full of words.
(50 pages worth of studying for each day
for five consecutive days.)

It demands concentration
to keep all those information inside the mind,
And self-mastery to shy away from any distractions.

Nevertheless, above all that,
it seems to never be without its twin sister, Humility,
For the cause of studying is admitting ineptness.

HHAHAHAHAHAHA. Please understand that this is just a little half baked poem. :D

Who are we? We are One.

Why is it that so much importance is placed on just a fortunate arrangement of bones? On some fortunate amount and location of hair?

Why is it that people let themselves be defined by their reflection on some piece of fancy metal? How is it that they never realize that a person’s worth--a person’s life--a person--can never ever be defined by what their eyes’ receptors interpret from the light reflected from such a thing as a polished surface?

Humans—me—you—are so much more than what the light shows of us. But how is it that so few people ever see(realize, truly realize)that. How can they see and not see?

How can they not see their auras, themselves expanding, filling all the spaces—the gaps, leaving nothing untouched—How can they not see themselves in the beauty of the first drop of water that falls from the skies portending rain? How can they not see themselves in the violence of people spewing forth from their mouths lances of hatred which leaves deep cuts on another’s soul? How can they not see themselves in the pain of a mother bringing forth another living creature into this wonderful world? How can they not see themselves in the tragedy of loving and not being loved in return?

How can they not see themselves—and not see fully?

“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”

“The world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.” – The 5 People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom

The physical world is not our only reality.

God will never judge us because of how we look, how we smell, or how we sound like. He will not close the doors of heaven for us just because we are not slim, thin, or "beautiful" by the material world's standards.

"What is essential is invisible to the eye." -- The Little Prince

A Concert For A Friend. :)

CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE

Please help, guys. Neither I nor you may know this person, but that should not stop any one of us from helping another person in need. :) Spread the word.

"When a person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed." - Mo. Theresa

"It is in giving that we recieve." - Prayer of Saint Francis

"The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention." - Jon Burroughs

"If I can stop one heart from braking, I shall not live in vain." - Emily Dickinson


"It is the things we always hold
That we will lose some day;
The only thing we ever keep
Are what we give away." - excerpt from the poem "Song" by Harold C. Sandall

Dividing Line

I was just thinking of something while I've been reading our CLE(Christian Life Edu.) book. And I've decided to name thoughts like these seemingly-random-but-not-really thoughts I run into while I'm studying and having one of my AHA! moments. I now call them as my own personal...

RaT(s)

Ra = Random
T(s) = Thought(s)

My RaT(s) for today:

What truly is the dividing line of right from wrong? How do we just so intrinsically know which one is which without really having to agonize about it? Is it really just because we grew up learning about the Ten Commandments and such? Is it truly just because of exposure? But how is it that we can still do what is right even without having to believe in something--anything? It's just a WOAH thought for me. Was there an internal device built inside each one of us to make us so very capable of knowing and differentiating right from wrong?

And truly, if there is no difference from right and wrong or if there is NO right or wrong, then isn't it another intriguing wonder to just think that the people who are fighting, dying for what is right are just dying for NOTHING really? It's just something they themselves believe is right. Or does the reality that they BELIEVE it is right make all the difference?

What wonders. :) I love thinking.

Sick is in VOGUE

Having your pharynx and tonsils swelling like inflated balloons really sucks. They hurt like heck, and every time I swallow feels like sandpaper is being rubbed against them. :(

But I've definitely realized that health really is one of the things you don't realize is so important until you lose it. I want my health back and the good things is, it seems as if it is finally returning. I don't want to be absent in school! Might miss too much.

Anyhow, here's to health.


My Youngest SISTER

Thank God It's Friday. :)

YEY! Another update. It's been quite long. A lot has happened to me this summer. :) Though, I believe my favorite change is my change of attitude towards life in general. I've just become more cheerful, easygoing, and more down to earth. I'm not taking things so seriously anymore, which is a good thing for me. I am hoping, though, that this change isn't just a temporary one. I hope it isn't just the result of not being very stressed yet. But, I'm living and I'm loving it. :)

"The Secret" is this video/book or idea says you can control your life if you can control the way you think. The secret is just that. Think positive so you attract positive. It's generally what they call the law of attraction. And you attract things, whatever they may be, whenever you think of them. This idea have really changed my mindset about things. I know it may be BS, but believing that you can do something before doing it really does help in finally achieving it in the end. I have read this quote and I've never really realized deeply what it means, until recently..."Whether you think you can or cannot, you're right." (Forgot who said it. :( I'm sorry.)

And this one quote have really influenced my perspective in life too. "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have." --Eckhart Tolle

There was also this e-mail which my aunt sent to our family Yahoo!Groups. It contains real good advice, in my opinion. It just generally boils down to this main idea: Follow your dreams; do what you want and love or what makes you happy; life is good. Love life. :)

Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on
by Regina Brett
Sunday May 28, 2006, 10:13 AM
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

So that's that. My viewpoint has changed and with that change my life has too. Never say never. :) (I used to hate that cliche but it's really true.) Stop think about hate, cannot, do not, or whatnot. Start living your life with the mindset "I can".

Love life. Embrace it. Laugh, Smile, just LIVE.
God Bless,
Kristina



Me and My Best Friend, Denise :)

Supposedly Continuation of Previous Post...(But, I guess not. :| )=> Gay Rights

The title's pretty self explanatory. But anyhow, the idea WAS to expound more on stuff that has been happening in my life, not just what's going on inside my head. Instead, my neurotic brain neurons have been incited by the topic on Tyra today. "Is GAY the new BLACK?"

Her show addressed the current issues about gay rights. She had some "debaters" come over and defend their own side. Pro or Anti gay.

INEVITABLY, the Bible came into the discussion. WAIT, I'm getting ahead of myself here. So I want to clear this out to everyone that I DO NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS with same sex marriages or the like. I am not ANTI gay, nor do I think I'm pro it either. Yea, confusing much?

I guess, I'm just kinda detached. I'm indifferent. If someone chooses to be gay, then I would respect that. But I admit that I WILL always have feelings of disgust and a sense of wrongness about same sex relationships. AND, I'm being honest here. I'm admitting that my thinking has been affected by my environment. And that is the Catholic setting of my life. I am a Roman Catholic. The normal, or I guess, conventional, thing with us here have always been "I now pronounce you husband and wife". Not wife and wife nor husband and husband. SO my views have been influenced by my religion.

BUT, see, my initial reaction towards gay rights/same sex relationships have been "Oh, no big deal. I'm fine with that.(Gay people/homosexuality)" But then, I realized--yea, for the people who've been reading this for a time now OR the people who does know me, I DO argue with myself a lot(WHAT? I believe it is a way of finding more about yourself. It's self rediscovery, or just you know, reflection? Just--it has always been a belief of mine that the only way to get at answers and to know more about yourself or whatnot is by ASKING QUESTIONS. You know, simplest example: How did Isaac Newton discover that the energy/force/whatever which caused the apple to fall from the tree is the phenomenon we now know and call as gravity? By ASKING QUESTIONS. Or simply, I guess, by wondering about it.)SERIOUS DIGRESSION THERE! Hahaha, sorry for that...--I REALIZED that if one of the people who are close to me, like my sister, mother, or my own FUTURE children would be homosexual, I would not really be fully comfortable with that. I would always prefer for them to remain heterosexual.

HOWEVER, I am not opposed to homosexuality. I am not homosexual, so I admit I do NOT know how it is to be gay. I would not be presumptuous enough to speak ob their behalf or to tell them that being gay is a choice or whatnot, THOUGH that has always been what's been taught to us, Catholics. That it is your CHOICE whether to be gay or straight. So back to my stance on this issue, me being NEITHER anti-gay nor pro-gay...BUt, I guess I'm leaning more onto the PRO-GAY side. It's just that I believe whether gay or straight, people are still people. Humans created by God. For lego's sake, even mass murderers, rapists, psychopaths, ETC. ARE STILL CHILDREN OF GOD. We are all God's masterpiece. ("The world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." Yes, from "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom) ALL of us, trees, the water, the sounds of the river flowing by, the cool breeze of spring, the gentle pink of newly blossomed flowers, ALL OF THESE THINGS, ALL OF US IS God's masterpiece. All of us, together.

So what am I getting at? (I admit, I got a little carried away with that line of thought.) I'm saying that these homosexual people are still supposed to be treated like CHILDREN OF GOD. They are still supposed to be loved, therefore, EVEN if they are gay, they are not supposed to be discriminated and be BANNED from marrying. I mean, discrimination is an act of hate, especially when it leads to gruesome acts like murder, ridicule and hostility. Gay people are first and foremost STILL PEOPLE. Therefore, they ARE NOT mistakes or for heaven's sake, abominations of God. They still deserve respect.

So I guess or presume, that is, that the previous paragraph have most likely firmly established my stand on this issue. I am pro-gay, though I am straight.

But what's really incited a reaction out of me is the fact that (like what I had said earlier...) INEVITABLY, the Bible came into the discussion.

Traditionalists or just the public IN GENERAL have always argued and believed that the Bible IS AGAINST homosexuality. So during the "DEBATE" in the Tyra Banks Show, the subject of the Bible's teaching regarding relationships had come into the discussion (I forgot how exactly. I'm not exactly sure if the other side(antis) had mentioned it first or if it was because this one gay man who mentioned that he was beaten by his dad who used the Bible as an excuse to beat the "GAY" out of him.) so one woman, who is a lawyer, if I'm not mistaken, from the pro-homosexuals mentioned the Bible passage about plucking out the eye that causes you to sin, etc. etc., and argued that if the Bible was to be followed word per word then we all would be walking around with just one eye and an arm.

But, see, though she is one the pro side with me, I think that she had misunderstood the Bible, if she really does believe this. (But, I MAY be mistaken. I could have misunderstood her...But the way she said it, it came out like she was discrediting the Bible.) I've always believed that our God is a Loving God, therefore, he loves each and everyone of us because when it comes down to it, we all comprise his great masterpiece, we are all his children. Therefore, with Him being LOVING, then I don't believe that he would discriminate against homosexuality or would he be against it just because he created man and woman to be a couple.

People might say this is presumptuous, to just speak in behalf of God, or to presume to know what God thinks about this. But, these are my opinions, so please, read the whole entry first? I'm not YET done explaining myself.

You see, I've always believed that God knows our weaknesses, he knows our DARKEST secrets, he knows that we sin and think ill of others and I know that in spite of all our shortcomings and all the things that makes us horrible God still loves us. (THERE ARE SO MANY THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD RIGHT NOW, And once again, I am frustrated by the fact that I can't type in all of them at once. I can't even fully sort them out in my head yet...Just one huge tangled web) So I did a little research of my own. I picked up my Bible and just reread the part in the Genesis about Adam and Eve. About Man and Woman. And nothing in the Bible says that it is against the same sex relationships. It did say that woman and man become one flesh and that woman is man's companion. But it did NOT say that man AND man cannot be one flesh.

(Hahahaha...)

Yes, I did take into consideration the fact that maybe, the idea of homosexuality was not born yet at the time the Bible was written, BUT, the Bible is full of symbolism, is it not? So what if this is just another symbol or sign God is trying to tell us?

The Bible did say that man and woman are joined together, or become one flesh "to give back to the large human family the treasure of humanity which they received from it." In simpler terms, the purpose of marrying someone is to copulate with that someone and therefore produce an offspring. In one word, PROCREATION. So maybe people got the idea that the Bible is saying NO to same sex marriages because it does not allow the married couple to procreate in the traditional style. But I thought, maybe this could have been the rule before because there were still very few people then compared to how many we are now. So it was vital for humans to procreate if humanity as a species was to survive. Or for any species to survive, for that matter. (Procreation is the key.)

But, think about it. Today, how many people are there? Billions. There are massive population explosions which are especially prevalent in third world countries. Meaning, excluding the possibility of another ice age or an asteroid wiping out the human race, I think our current population level is pretty stable for the survival of the human species. So why not allow same sex marriages when thre are still so many people out there to ensure the survival of the human race? I don't know, I guess, this is a rather radical idea. But, it's just what I think.

Also, taking into consideration the fact that there are so many orphaned children who are in need of parents, why not allow these couples who technically can not "procreate" to adopt them. Therefore, both parties are happy. (I know, there are so many factors to take into consideration.)

And I just have to say this to all the people who are using the Bible against homosexuality and saying that gay people will go to hell, have you read the TEN COMMANDMENTS. OR did you even REALLY READ the Gospels in the BIBLE? What is the two main commandments? Jesus said, (Mt 12:30-31)"You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. And after this comes another one: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. THERE IS NO GREATER THAN THESE TWO." So discrimination against same sex marriages? Is that an act of love? You answer me.

P.S. I guess I am not so indifferent, after all. :)

Quote for today:


"The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm
terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient
reason for remaining ashore."

-- Vincent Van Gogh

An Entry of a Different Kind

So...I've been thinking. (What a surprise! 8D)

And I thought that it might be a good thing (for I dunno who/what... I guess, for me?) if I started writing inside my blog about things about myself. I mean, not just my thoughts/complaints and whateva... Just updating this blog about what's happening with my life and all that bejeezus. And I thought it would be more updated if I post entries about my life at least once a month. At the end or beginning or in the middle. I'm not really strict about these things. I guess, whenever the opportunity reveals itself.

Hahaha, not to intentionally bore you--whoever YOU are--with the constant cynical track my mind chooses to run on. But I just can't resist. I have to ask: "Who the heck would read this anyway, right?" Hahaha...Of course, I have some fantasies about that, but then again, that's why they're called FANTASIES. Fiction. Not real. Might as well be called lies...

Anyhow, cynicalness aside, what has been going on with my life right now?

Well, just 15 mins. from the current time, 2:45PM, I will be going to my Hip Hop classes with my brother because he will be first dropped off at his school for Frisbee practice, I think.

Then, I will come home, watch American Idol, eat, sleep... you fill out the rest.

Hahahaha...just kidding. But that IS what my schedule would be like today.

So, I had managed to secure myself some dance classes. I love it. I love the people there. They're absolutely welcoming, friendly and just NICE. (Sorry for using the word with NO meaning.) I've been active on youtube lately too. I've been watching some people dancing, doing covers, and of course, stumbled upon the YouTube phenomenon, FRED. Hahaha...LOL. You should definitely check out Robert Muraine, though. He's FANTASTIC. Check out his audition in So You Think You Can Dance. NOW that, THAT was phenomenal.

Hmmm...what else? Well, my family or Kuya Jacob (the leader in this endeavor of ours), have decided to create this family book for our grandparents. Narrations of the parts of their lives that have been influential to them. Their own love story, Lolo's (Grandpa) experiences during the second world war, or just our favorite memories spent with them. It's kinda interesting. And I guess, this way, we're able to bond more. And I've never mentioned it before, but my brother, Kuya Vincent, had made a Yahoo Group for our family. This way, we can communicate through the internet too, not just during the regular Saturday reunions. I'm also learning more about all of my relatives this way. Not just my cousins, even my aunts and uncles participate in our discussions. Hahaha...pretty neat, actually.

I love my family.

Oops, how coul I have forgotten such a big part of my life? CHOIR. Well, currently we're preparing for our big concert on the 27th of May. It's gonna be at Philam Life Theater. Pretty grand. But, we've performed there before. But with the MTQ choir. Not with Vox. If you don't know me, you probably won't understand what's MTQ and what's Vox. But that's another story for another time.

So...I guess, Ciao!

I have to go! My brother's already finished with whatever. And we gotta go...

IT's raining. So that might mean some traffic. So I better go, you know. BUHBYE!

Mother, Mom, Mama, Mami

About time I reflected upon my tumultuous relationship with my mother. (Heh, can't remember if I have already written this, but for a long time now, I've been really fascinated with the idea of writing my "Last Will and Testament". It just seems so interesting 'cause you'll have to think like you ARE already dying. I think many of us would be surprised--or not, by what really is the most important to us, once we realize that we have a very limited(more so than usual) time here on earth.In the end,you might actually discover more about yourself after doing this exercise.)

Anyhow, I was digressing. But I just wanted to get that out of my system. Another future plan up ahead. Hahaha...

So I will reflect upon my relationship with my mother. Hahaha....(Same first sentence...No need to understand.) The first thing that comes to mind(or maybe only at this moment...I don't really know.), if I am ever asked, or put into the situation that I will have no other choice but to write about my parents--or if I just want to, like right now, write about them, is that my parents were never supportive. Oh, they were supportive about the right things, like school and studies, choir, and when I was swimming. But when I wanted to take art classes? No. When I was dying to learn conversational Chinese? NO. When I wanted to take up dance classes? NO.

It's so similar to all the things I've read about parents and their children. Parents rarely let their children become the people the children themselves want to be. Rather, they make their own children become who they want their children to be. And I hate it. There are so many things now that I see people (not necessarily parents) treat children which I promise myself(and I guess, my future children), I will never do to my FUTURE children.

My mom said she had promised herself when she was younger similar things too, and she told me that things don't always go as planned. But that's BULLCARP.

My parents--MY mom (this is mostly about my WONDERFUL mother) was never supportive. She's a big hunk of lazy human. She thinks because she's already OLD, a parent and an adult, she doesn't need to do anything else. Her life is FINISHED. And she's what 46? See? What a truckload of BS. BS.BS.BS. My mother is full of that.

I know it seems appallingly ungrateful of me to call my mother that. But let HER become your mom. And thing I hate most(about her and PEOPLE in general) is that people often set up a facade in public. My mother's all smiling faces and charming around OTHER people. But with her family? Fill in the blanks yourself. It's not rocket science.

Yeah, I know that human beings act differently in another environment or with a set of people than they do with others. People may act differently if they're with the family, or with friends. But is it too hard to SMILE--FOR FEEK's SAKE--just SMILE, around your family. What makes her smile? My youngest sister's antics. Yea, makes me wish that eleven years ago I had made her smile too, right? I doubt it. I was a demon child, the black sheep, or the spawn of Satan, if you will.

HAHAHA...but that's a whole other story. I'll just stick with this discussion about my mother.

Whenever I want to do something, like go to dance classes, I have to fight for it. I have to constantly nag, whine, and be generally annoying and insufferable, to get enrolled. I guess they might be training me for the real world, where if you REALLY want something, you HAVE to fight tooth and nail for it. (YEA RIGHT.)

As I've said, my mother is just one big hunk of lazy human. She doesn't have goals, as far as I know. Probably why she's always cranky and generally unpleasant. Bossy, too prideful, think she's always right. I guess, I should be happy that she isn't abusive, an alcoholic, a cheater, or whatnot. But is that really all there is I can thank her for? For all the things she isn't? (and heck, I can NOT thank her for these too.) How about for all the things she is? Yea, she's the one I go shop my clothes with. She used to help me with homework, and now he does my younger sisters. (But it's school. DUH.)She cooks RARELY, she cleans the house even more RARELY, she fetches us from school RARELY. Yea, she works to feed us. But mostly, her business doesn't require her presence, so what does she do? Lounges around the house just like a big hunk of lazy human, and she watches TV, lying down, signing checks, sleeping. See? Lazy. She doesn't read, or garden, she doesn't even really take care of my youngest sister FULL TIME (only before going to sleep). Those are the HELPERS' job/tasks. She doesn't organize the house (only very rarely).

I know she does care about us. I never said she didn't.

It's just that she could be a better mother.

She thinks because she's old, she doesn't have to do anything else. Like her life is over, she's even said once that she could die peacefully any time now. AND I WAS SO DISGUSTED, for once, I didn't even say anything. I mean, I'd picture a wholehearted mother (and probably this because she got pregnant with my father's child out of wedlock) as someone who would want to make sure that all of her children are well off into the world before they could peacefully die. I would picture REAL mothers to out their children as their first priority. I dunno if it's just a fairytale idea, but it's just that it's how I would think I would treat my children too, you know. Like they are the ones who will give me a purpose in life. The reason I live. And for my OWN mother to just say that ANY FREAKIN TIME NOW SHE WOUDN'T MIND IF SHE DIED?? WTHECK KINDOF MOTHER SAYS THAT???? To her children, nonetheless. It's really one of the things I will never ever forget.

It disgusts me.

Crosses

"Other men's crosses are not mine."

Hmmmm... There's an argument going on inside my war zone of a mind for a while. (But now that I think about it, I'm thinking that it hasn't been going on in my head for just a "while"...it's been there for much longer than that. Since I was at my younger years probably. It's just now that I chose to really face the dragon head on. Yet, there are still so many dragons I must face--well, I guess everyone has his own deposit of dragons to be faced.) See, one side agrees with the quote up there. It's kind of like what my CLE teacher, Ms. Ng, said one time. That you do your part, and if the other party won't do theirs, then it isn't your problem anymore. It's theirs. The specific example at that time was the issue of what course of action to take when you meet a beggar. Will you give them money though it would probably go into the beggar's "master"'s pocket? Will you give the beggar money though this beggar can still choose to have a job? Will you give the beggar money though in the end, it might only be used for more harm than good? Will you give the beggar anything at all and risk the chance of the beggar's utter dependence on people who give them money?

My teacher admitted that it was a hard decision to make--especially if you don't know if the beggar is REALLY a beggar. The person may just be pulling your leg. But Ms. Ng said that the way she thinks about it is that she will give the beggar whatever, and that is her part--her good deed. And whatever the beggar decides to do with what she's given him/her, then that's his/her part--whether good of bad.

She brought this up again when we were discussing the movie(which I still haven't gotten the chance to watch YET), "Facing the Giants".

My parents tell this to me too. I guess any sane person who doesn't want to get involved in messy business would follow this motto, which in simpler words is just "Mind your own business."

Obviously, I'm the person on the other side of the fence. I REALLY want to disagree. But truth be told, I'm just really torn. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Yeah, I guess the simplest way to know what's right is by asking, "WWJD?(What Would Jesus Do?)". But sometimes, it's not that easy--or I may be just complicating things but WTHeck? I am digressing.

My side is that how can you just MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? your own problems, etc.etc. See, Jesus WOULD NOT mind his own business. DUDE, he DIED for the whole human race. If he just minded his own business, then he wouldn't have cared--YEAH, I know, minding your own business is not the same as only caring about yourself, BUT damn, well, it's close as close can be--about any of us. Jesus carried ALL our crosses. So I guess the right thing to do is be just as selfless as Him, right? Because it is what Jesus would do. And just like this Buddhist teaching about all of us being connected. This idea's also repeated in Mitch Albom's books. So if all of us inevitably affects each other--

"..the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."

--then that means that we should NOT mind our own business BECAUSE anybody's business is EVERYBODY's business. AGH. Get what I'm trying to say?

So what Jesus would do is not what my parents/teacher/sane people would do.

If everyone just minded his own business, then no one would help a person who tripped--because it's the fallen person's own business. Sure, I guess some people would rather not be helped and so keep up the facade that they don't need help from other people because 'nothing is wrong' rather than facing the humiliation, while others would be grateful for the help.

I just received a text message from our choir coordinator asking the choir members to pray for our conductor who's in the hospital right now. And I'm thinking about this issue again...and I'm thinking maybe the definition of business is what's wrong. I mean, see, it isn't OUR business what our conductor's choice of living is which could be what lead him to become hospitalized. But it is our business if he gets well enough to be our conductor again. AGH, I'm cunfused myself.

And I'm thinking maybe a simpler way to phrase this argument is: "Selfishness VS. Selflessness." I'm sure others would disagree that minding your own business is selfishness, but think about it. In the end, isn't it all just the same banana?

But the thing is that (thought occurred--SEE I hate writing things down. Writing is so slow compared to how thoughts go around inside my messy mind. I'm just beginning to write this thought, but already my brain has thought behind it....AGH. Hahahaha...)the reason that the motto "Mind your own business" was created in the first place is that we aren't all like Jesus. We are just humans (or not? are humans not limited to this?) so we can't carry EVERYONE's crosses. We aren't divine like HIM. We're just mere mortals. But the confusing part is that a lot agree that doing the right thing is equivalent to WJWD. But maybe it's not?

I DON'T KNOW.

This is my confusion since the beginning of time.

Hahaha... I need enlightenment. The thought that occurred==> the answer to everything is balance. So the answer is (Yes, I answer myself. Don't you?) you need to balance selfishness and selflessness. I mean that you have to know when to be selfish and when to be selfless?? HAHAHA...this is sounding ummm....

Yeah.

I need help, seriously. (Doesn't everyone?)

Love, KC

I know

It's breath-taking how wonderful knowing is.

There's just such beauty and a feeling of wholeness, of completion it brings. Knowing brings with it, sometimes, a part that should be in you that you never knew existed or something you never knew you needed. I just wanted to find this meaning. The reason for something horribly, horridly, hideously beautiful which would completely make it such a glorious, crystal-clear, piercing, pure ray of light.

You see, Jodi Picoult's books (well, mostly those that I've read, which is just around 3? And from the very first page, they've pulled me in. She writes with such elegance. It's just beautiful.) have such strength that it just hooks you and make you realize that there is something beautiful in the simplest things. She writes with such beauty--I'm sorry if I'm saying that word too much. But, truly, it's the only word fit to describe her writing. She took art to the next level.--and brings relevance to the simplest of things. She makes you feel. Her characters are so real. (That rhymed. LOL...This ain't no poem.) She writes about the daily things we do and makes them new. (I can her CLE classes now. Jesus makes all things new.)She pulls you out of being a jaded being.

But, I am digressing.

Back to her characters, they're just so real. So when something so atrocious happens to them, it's hard not to cringe. And well, most of her characters deal with sadness, pain, sorrow, loss, and disagreement. That's the great paradox I experience in her writing. I'm so hooked to it, literally pulled into each character's story, yet at the same time, I'm so affected with all the pain they undergo that it depresses me too. And sometimes, her stories don't end fairytalesque. People get hurt, suffer, and die in her stories. That's why I wanted to find the reason behind all the suffering.

I asked, "What is J.P. trying to convey through her stories?". Or maybe more appropriately, "What is her story trying to get across?"

And for once, my epiphany occurred just now, while I'm not held up by anything, without any other distraction, within reach of my PC.

And you know what my brain told me?

Well, see. I was caressing my new Jodi Picoult book--it's hardbound(Yes, I just have to brag about that. It's not often I get a hardbound copy of a book I've been looking for for some time for 200 bucks. AND, that's in peso. And supposedly, it's one of her greatest works. A reliable friend of mine told me so.)--when I realized it. I knew the reason.


The HARDBOUND book I was caressing.
Jodi Picoult--or her stories--is(are) conveying us the beauty of each story happening since time immemorial, happening as we speak, and that is on the verge of becoming one. They teach us that each person has a story to tell. And each story is just as important as the other.

She delivers us the beauty of each story, and the purest form of the art of writing.

Wordless = Wordful

You know(whoever you may be), I always have such a good idea of what to write in my bloggie. But those little epiphanies always happen when I'm not writing at my blog. I just think of them almost randomly. Like, "Oh, hey! This is a nice idea to write about LATER." So I never really got to write about all those nice ideas. When I'm not in front of the computer typing all these things, the ideas just zoom and zap and zip inside my head. But once I'm already here, sitting down at this red computer seat, typing away on the keyboard, all the zooming, zapping and zipping just stop. Irritating.

Hmmm...see, I wanted to write about such interesting things. They're so brilliant ideas they make my eyes water just thinking about it. (Right.) But oftentimes, I just forget about them, or I remember but I'm too lazy to write, OR I remember but the idea doesn't seem as brilliantly tear-inducing as before.

I had a pretty neat little idea just recently too. It's that I should post more pictures in my blog, to make it more easy on the eyes(Since I've noticed people tend to shy away from epic, word-filled entries.) and to make it more interesting. HAH. But the ginomorousy problemy is that I don't even take pictures as much as other picture/word-posting bloggers out there. And I find it too hassling, time-consuming and tedious. Or maybe, I'm just lazy. See, our computer is kind of a hybrid of one from the middle ages and one from today's age. It's ok, but it's damn slooooow in uploading and loading things. Our internet connection really sucks. Anyhow, another factor to be taken into consideration is that i don't really carry my cam everywhere and that I don't only write about VISIBLE, camera-captur-able things. I write about abstract ideas and the like.

Hahaha, for someone who didn't really even know what to write about, this entry is turning out to be long, eh? And I don't even think I'm half done.

I've said it before(I think.)and I'll say it again, it's so hard to write about what you feel/think/whatever because your mind doesn't stop thinking so ideas just keep on coalescing, changing, and transforming. It's difficult to even try to begin.

But, let's see. Hmmm...

Today, I will really write about...UGH. Whatever, I wanted to write such fantabulistic ideas but I'm finding myself too lazy to write about them now(again.) Hahaha...So i'll just REALLY write about what I feel/think right now. Excuse them if they're so random, they make your head jump and do some crazy, wiggly dance inside your cranium.

First of all, this guy is soooo good-looking...yummm. HAHAHHA...don't worry, even I'm disgusted at myself.

Next, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY TO THE INFINITY want to watch Avatar: The legend of Aang. UGH. It's killing me, mahn.

AND, I also want to watch tearfully huge quantities of chick-flicks. And I want to watch Eli Stone. Mahn, where are the good TV shows when I actually have the time to watch them?

Life sure knows how to stink well.

What else do I want to do? I want to learn some self-defense martial arts. Useful for potential rapists/robbers/murderers. I want to go to an art school, dance school, and learn conversational Chinese. I want to read Nolimetangere and El Filibusterismo, but the Filipino is so deep to the deepest trench in wherever(Marianas Trench? I forgot where and what's the name of the deepest trench is. Grade school has been sooo long ago. Yea, right.) my brain only registers only about a fourth of each paragraph.

ARUGHHHHHH....

Well, those are the current innards of my cerebellum. Hope they entertained. LOL.

Love, Kristina :P

PS. AND I REALLY want to go to SOMEPLACE for a good summer VACATION. Dude, I don't think my family even has anything planned. It sucks. Yes, it does. (And you know what? Of course you don't. But anyhow, all the time I'm complaining and saying "This sucks, this is so damn middle-aged, etc.etc.etc." my mind s going spiritual and telling me that "Thou shalt not complain; self-pity is not a good habit.". Well, you can't deny it, can you? EVERYONE does have weird brain waves ALL THE TIME. Or at lest, I think so.)

Goodbye now, really, for real.
:D

Human Nature?

Listening to: The Corrs :) (I love the song "What Can I Do")

Now, in High School, so many things seem so cliche, overused, overrated, repetitive and unoriginal. Is it ok to feel so jaded at this point of my life? I'm still very,very young, by the world's standards anyway. I just feel so old sometimes, like I'm so fed up with some things about life. NOTE: I am NOT suicidal.

I mean, so many things in class are repeated again and again. Ideas, opinions, and answers repeated so many times, as if they're memorized by rote. Sure, the occasional original ideas--Well, I guess I'm being kind of stingy here. (Since our class is a star section, after all.) So, fine, the more than occasional--original, enlightening answer is more than welcomed and is refreshing. But still, so many things that are overspent just so stubbornly persist to crop up again and again in the vast field of life. Silly little weeds.

And well, these weeds include all the traits 'we' say is HUMAN NATURE. It's just tiring to just always use and hear this excuse time and time again. See, let's list all the things ascribed to human nature: (Oh, where do I even start?) Defensiveness, Jealousy/Envy, Greed, Sloth, developing Prejudices, Selfishness, Consciousness, Making mistakes, Loving, Hating, Caring, Lust, (HAHAHA...sensing the theme here? Want a dose of the Seven Deadly Sins, anyone?) PRIDE/VANITY, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

It just disgusts me, sickens me, revolts me how so infested I am with these so called weeds. I am so filled with pride, jealousy, probably all the seven deadly sins. And what's so completely ironic about it is the fact that I can be and am actually so loving, compassionate, carefree and happy. I'm always so torn, always in the gray area. Belonging to neither area.

GECK, I'm having an identity crisis here.

But it's so true. I'd get so unbelievably, outrageously jealous and envious but at the same time, I'll be telling myself to stop it. Self-pity is not a good habit. I'll tell myself to stop comparing myself to others, AND believe me I do want to stop. (Gore, it sounds like a freakin' addiction.) But no matter how much I tell myself I'm going to stop and no matter how much I reprimand myself, it never stops. It never will--But, I hope it will. SEE? I'm like this--I AM THE PERSONIFICATION, THE PERFECT LIVING EXAMPLE OF A WALKING CONTRADICTION.

And it so irritates me how obsessive I can be with some things, even though I do not want to obsess over it. I abhor this habit of mine. And I know about all that tee-tee-too things like, "If you want to stop it, you can." "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right. " Yes, I know. But, lookie here. It's harder than it seems.

I just obsess over even the simplest things: how I look, how I speak, my achievements, recognition given to me, how I do things. I do have a "High Need for Precision". And yes, a PSYCHOlogical test claimed that. So, I'll finally get down to why I wrote this post in the first place. I am so OBSESSIVE over how I look. BUT, I don't want to be that kind of person. I don't want to be a pitiful superficial being.

Ok, no more fancy stuff or any grandiloquence. I'll just spit it out.

I'm so sickeningly, disgustingly, reprehensibly, abhorrently jealous. I'm so detrimentally jealous because I am not as pretty as I'd lead myself to believe. (I know, WHAT THE HECK? Who thought I could be this superficial, right? Yeah, I am such a hypocrite. Aren't we all? HAHAHA...another thing to add to our list of human nature attributes.)Humph, I'm so depressed because of that. And for a person who does not want to be so attached to worldly things I am so imprisoned by it. I do want to be free. I don't want to live an existence that's limited to the surface. I want to be content. I want to be happy.

Sheesh, I don't even know what exactly I want.

I can't help comparing myself to others. I am just so disheartened when I see so much better people around me. I don't want to be a serial killer,no. I'm just sooo, sooo jealous. I can't take it if someone's better than me. I really need to learn humility. I AM such a horrible person. I hate myself too. YES, YOU don't have to read this you know. Since, I'm pouring my heart out and all, and some people don't really like seeing (or reading about) the blackened contents of a poisoned--twisted heart.

I don't like this any more than you do. I want to know who I am, what I can do, how far I can go. I want to be realistic and hopefully, naively optimistic at the same time. I can be totally consumed with jealousy, admiration, and self-disgust at the same time. I can hate what's happening so much and yet still want to love it in spite of the circumstances. I can love so utterly and hate so passionately. I'm a walking fuse. I don't know how much more time's left till I'm really overspent.

AND YET, despite all the things I abhor and cannot accept about myself, I want to. Yes, I'm getting repetitive already, I know. I just REALLY can't get over it. I'd always thought--cocky and arrogant, I know. I think I even romanticized myself to myself--that XY-chromosomed beings would literally fall at my feet. I'd always believed cocky and arrogant people are that way because they think that they don't have anything else other than what they're being cocky/arrogant about so they romanticize their view of themselves enough to delude even themselves because they think that thing they're arrogant they have is the ONLY thing they have that's actually worthy of space. So, arrogant people are arrogant because, truth is, THEY DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING. And when the brutality of the truth would crash down on them, rising up after falling a gazillion miles to the ground is impossible--unthinkable. LAGAPAK. Or maybe that's just me. But I almost-positively do not believe so.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not connected at all. Yes, I'm quirky like this.

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN I'VE EVER LAID MY MALNOURISHED EYES ON:

Survey from My Cousin

Please answer these questions truthfully and thoroughly. Thank you very much! (Need more space?? Please write on the back of this paper indicating Q#.)
Female ( X, wait x ba meaning no? HEHE JOKE! :D) Male ( ) Age:15…ata. Wait…uhh 1993 basta un… JOKE. :D Good luck sa survey/project mo! Here comes my stupendous answers to your most wonderful survey! YEY! Cue the fanfare!

1. What music do you listen to? Why?

Mostly jazz, pop, classical, pop-opera(or whatever you call it, basta JOSH GROBAN :D), (melodic and not SCREECHY) rock, slow sweet songs, BASTA ung relaxing. (Pwede ba tagalog? HAHAHA…ANYHOW, you can translate anyway. )

I like listening to music that put you in a good mood, those with good lyrics and catchy melodies. I like those kind of music basically just because they make you feel better. When you’re feeling down, they cheer you up (especially those with uplifting lyrics). And good songs really calm you down. I love Norah Jones, most of her songs really make me feel super relaxed and just calm—like I’m apart from all the chaotic madness of life.
So here’s a list of artists I like:
Norah Jones(obviously), Josh Groban(obviously again :D), Corinne Bailey Rae, Kevin Kern, Jason Mraz, Jon McLaughlin(LISTEN TO INDUSTRY!! GRABE UNG PIANO PART!! :D), Vanessa Carlton, Taylor Swift(I know, not the greatest lyrics-wise, but her song “Love Story” is just reallyreallyreally sweet and it’s a feel-good song :D But I don’t like it when she’s just moping about a guy in some of her songs)

I don’t like listening to those kind of “music” (and this is using the term broadly) which are full of nonsensical lyrics about sex, drugs, hot girls, etc.etc. AND I hate it when they use bad grammar and COIN terms with no special meaning at all. Para lang magfit sa music. EWAN. AGH. I hate it when they use the ALLURE of practically naked women in music videos. (Sorry, I’m kinda ranting here. It’s just that I hate what’s happening to ‘MUSIC’ nowadays. I MEAN, you know that new Hilary Duff song which just repeats this imperative sentence again and again and again: “REACH OUT AND TOUCH ME.” Where’s the vocal ability? The creativity? SHEESH!! And this sing has actually gone farther than those other songs with only ONE repetitive word/phrase. At least now they’ve managed a sentence.) Don’t get me wrong, I know that not all rap music are about those worldly things, and I do appreciate some music of those kind because they’re catchy. HAHAHA…but I get to know of them involuntarily, unlike those kind of music that I really like which I know of voluntarily. I mean involuntarily because I just hear them through media or because my brother’s playing his music.

2. What TV shows or channels do you usually watch? Why?
Uhhhm. I Don’t watch much TV, but when I do, I watch American Idol.  I watch ETC, Lifestyle Network, 2nd Avenue, Fox Crime, NatGeo and Discovery Channel, sometimes MTV(when I like the music video= not filled with practically-naked women). I watch those because they entertain me? Hahaha…Well, let’s see. Fox Crime, NatGeo and Discovery Channel are channels I watch because they sometimes have really interesting documentaries/shows that intrigue me. Like say, this one about the mind of serial killers in Fox Crime (forgot the name of the show). Why did they become that way? What lead to their massacring of countless numbers of people?

But sometimes, when I just want an instant respite from the harsh realities of life (HAHA, JOKE LANG, di ako emo)—I mean, when I just want to be entertained I watch reality TV shows in those other channels. AND who doesn’t like watching Iron Chef? MEHN, just looking at the food is torture. See? If they made TV’s 4D, you’ll smell the food too! Ahhh….WAW.

I personally am not very fond of sitcoms or soap operas. They require too much time and some of them don’t even HAVE a point.

3. What do you read? Why?
Books! Hahaha, what else? I read good books. LOL. Genre: Fantasy, adventure, fiction and also non-fiction. But I’m more of a YA-reader still.  I love adventure/fantasy fiction. The epitome of my favourite kind of book would probably be the first book of Ranger’s Apprentice/ Harry Potter :D. I also am fond of Jodi Piccoult’s work. She writes really really well with depth to her characters. I read these books because they entertain me, and because I actually learn from them. Books I’ve learned a lot from: Harry Potter(yes, seriously, here’s an example, Dumbledore said: “Someday, people will have to choose between what’s easy and what’s right.” It’s so true. Also, here’s another one: “Play to your strength.” This was by Mad-Eye Moody. :D) See, I read non-fiction which teach you lessons too. For example: The Last Lecture.

4. Do you smoke? What brand? Why?
NOPE. NEVER! Smoking kills every type of living system. It kills animals(HUMANS, THAT MEANS YOU AND THE PEOPLE WHO INHALE WHAT YOU’VE EXHALED—if you’re a smoker, that is.), and out nature. I don’t know if it kills specie from the Kingdoms Protista, Monera, Fungi and Plantea, but it sure as heck kills the planet. Smokers are murderers and victims themselves. What a pitiful way to EXIST.

5. Do you drink? What is your choice of drink? Why?
NOPE. Well, let’s see, I’m 15. Isn’t that enough reason? I’d probably consider drinking some in the future, but that’s in the very far future. And largely because they say drinking wine has benefits.

6. Where do you go on the weekends? Why?
Uhmm… church? Because I’m Catholic and I sing in the choir. I go to my grandmother’s house because it’s tradition for our family and it’s the part of the week I look forward most to because I love seeing my family. Those are the two constant places I go to every weekend. Sometimes, the malls and restaurants because of course, you gotta get outta the house too, ya know?

7. What do you do on the weekends? Why?
I do my homework (DUH). I go to those places mentioned beforehand. I read, listen to music, eat, sleep, etc. What else? Sometimes, there’s the occasional party or soiree or special event.

8. What do you wear on the weekends? Why?
Clothes? Hahaha…what kind of question is this? Umm, casual clothes? Depends on the occasion/event I’m going to. Uniform for choir.

9. What activities are you involved with?
What do you mean? Organizations? The choir and schoolwork(hahaha),. I am a member of the Batch Production crew, I was a Facilitator for the Xavier-ICA interaction. What do you mean exactly? Hahaha….basta yan.

10. What are your choices of fashion brands? Why?
Kamiseta, Plains and Prints and Bayo. I don’t know, because they have good clothes? Nice quality, nice fit, nice designs?

Iyong iba kahit sa department store na, why not? Sayang sa pera. Hahahaha….

11. What would you never be caught dead wearing? Why?
Uhhmm… I don’t know. Uhh, a super micro-mini skirt, (excuse the vulgarity)‘pekpek’ shorts. (You know what I mean) Those that show too much in the chest area. I think I’m a pretty conservative dresser. Hahaha, di ako furniture.

12. Do you consider yourself a trend-setter/trendy? Why?
Uhm, well, since in school we’re all just basically wearing the same thing—uniforms—I don’t think it applies that much. But I’m not a trend-setter. I just dress how I want to dress. Sure, I also sometimes go with what’s ‘in’, but because I want to not because I’m compelled to.

13. Do people consider you as a trend-setter/trendy? What makes you think so?
Nope, as I’ve said before, the only thing you could probably trend-set in school are the socks you wear and the way you wear your hair. And changing your style of socks can land you in the principals office. Anyhow, I’m not much focused on these things anyway. I do care about how I look but not too much that I lose sight of more important things.

14. How important is it for you to be a trend-setter/trendy? Why?
Obviously not very much. Refer to number 13. :D

15. What is your definition of “cool” and being cool?
None. Hahaha…Well…I guess I identify cool with those things that amaze me. Let’s say, may nasabugan ng bomba, tapos nabuhay pa siya. Iyon ay COOL. ASTIG, dba? Hahaha…ewan. Joke lang. Ewan ko. I don’t really use that word much, only when you have nothing else to say. HAHAHAHA! COOL=Malamig! :D Hahahaha….Cool(the kind of cool you’re looking for, I think), I believe, is defined by media. (Pop culture)


LONG ENOUGH? :D

Anger Management

Sheesh. What is this day? Officially Terrible(TE-RI-BL-E) Anger Day? I know corny, but what the heck? So, what I'm not creative. Sheesh.

SHEESH. (I'm saying that a lot.)

My whole being is waiting to burst from suppressed anger. Morning started out badly, the afternoon resurrected the blood-boiling episode and just this night, I am so MAD...SO ANGRY!! ARRRRRGGHHH! So many thoughts are running through my head. They're like just zip-zapping all over my mind. This one leads me to another thought and another and another. So on and so forth.

But oddly, once I've started writing, I can't even remember half of what I've been thinking. Weird.

It's just so frustrating! I'm really trying so hard to be not so temperamental and to do WHAT JESUS WOULD DO if he were in my situation. But IT IS HARD.

I have the WEIRDEST dreams.

Seriously, I do. I mean, my Biology teacher said something about recording your dreams and eventually you'll find a pattern or something like that. But my dreams, MEHN. I don't think I'm finding any pattern at all--only that they are so utterly RANDOM.

So first off, I remember this dream I had...Though I just remember snippets as of now. But I remember that Reese Witherspoon was there and some people I don't know, some of them grannies and grandpas, we were looking for someone. I think the grannies were holding weapons, like knives or something. And then there was this big house and it was kind of dark.

Next, I remember that in the dream it was Halloween. Then in the dream I kinda knew what was going to happen BUT I still got surprised when this thing (I forgot. LOL) came out from a shelf behind this guy...

And just this morning. MAHN, was my dream SO weird. I remember that first I was in a bookstore-ish shop in a beach. It was big, and I remember that it was all woody, dark wood. And then I was buying or looking for a book, I don't exactly remember all the details. I went to this rack/stack of books then I met 3D people there. Omar, I remember most. But RR, Ramon and others were present, I think.

THEN, suddenly, I was in a car (or this is all I remember) and there were three of us at the very front of the car. There was a girl at the leftmost corner, I think then our driver, and then me at the rightmost corner(Yep, I don't know how 3 people could fit in the front too. We were at the white Hiace/Van). The driver was falling asleep while driving us so he was slumping in the seat and falling on his side on ME. SHEESH. I remember that he was directing the car to go straight then dozing off...It was scary!

THEN, we were at Arcadia. I just remember SPICY CHICKEN and the fact that my cousin, Sarah was the one who cooked it, IF I remember correctly. OH MEHN... I think I dreamed all this when I was already about to wake up because I remember that I was actually thinking while I was in the dream about the dream. Weird.

AND YESTERDAY! WHOAH! I remeber only one scene. Melanie O., my classmate was there. I remember that we were talking about supernatural things, specifically about supernatural creatures/beings--vampires, I think. She said that there was this being/vampire/I-don't-know-because-I'm-not-sure which can REPRODUCE. YES, I did not forget that Mel was actually speaking in a very scholarly manner. And that he can reproduce--he is white-haired, by the way. Not Spike or whatever his name was in Buffy. He has un-gel(ed) white hair. Anyway, I'm digressing here. SO, this guy/being can reproduce if he's procreating in front of this magical mirror and magical box? Something like a magical treasure chest...

SEE?? AREN'T THEY JUST ABSOLUTELY WEIRD?

I honestly don't know what to make of them.

Diasappointment towards Them

What a night. I just had a soiree yesterday night and it didn't go as well as I'd hoped it would. It makes me wonder, "Is Friday the 13th really cursed like what people say it is?". Let's rewind it back to February 12, the day before the D(Disappointment) day.

My best friend Denise and I keep on either calling, texting, or YM-ing each other. She is scared because she hasn't asked her parents about the soiree yet and she's going to be news reporting tomorrow. So I guess, it's nerves mixed with anxiety and blended together with apprehension to form the perfect "scared-tishless" frappuccino. I am comforting her and encouraging her to think positive. I am her eternal cheerleader, I will tell her tomorrow. Then, I am trying to sleep. Denise still hasn't asked her parents about the soiree because her parents aren't home yet.

While trying to fall into the sweet comfort of unconsciousness, My mind is being troubled by thoughts about the day that is to come. My mind keeps on thinking about the soiree tomorrow, and God forbid it, it is excited. I will meet good guys tomorrow. Oh, joy!

February 13 creeps up on me fast enough. The night turns into morning and then I am back in school. Denise comes in. Her mom has said yes, BUT she has to ask her dad still. I am still enthusiastic and cheering her up, encouraging her to be optimistic. Morning turns into afternoon. I am preparing for the soiree and a friend of my brother's comes with him to our house. He is very tall. They're both preparing for a party too.

I go to Barbra's house, our(some of my classmates and I) meeting place. Denise was there, taking a shower. She is allowed to go. Yes!

We arrive at the host's house after picking up Janelle and Viviane, respectively. We are excited. We come in and then I go to the restroom! HAHA! My bladder was about to burst.

Anyhow, we find the guys and mehn were they mostly quiet, shy and suffice it to say that we were probably all disappointed that night. The kind of good-looking ones all were attracted like bee's are to honey to the--sorry for the term--sluts. HAHAHA. Then BAM, awkward awkward awkward to no end. We were all uncreative and I admit it was probably the girl's fault too. But hey now, it was the guys who invited us AND guys are supposed to be the ones who approach us, not the other way around. I don't know, maybe I was expecting some lingering traces of the obviously nonexistent virtue called chivalry in some of them. BUT, no, all they were able to talk about were teenager stuff. Soirees, scandals, people, etc.etc. Even my classmates were not volunteering anything. ARGH. They just went there and WELL we all expected the guys to do everything for us, I guess. Oh well.

It's so disappointing to find that there is most probably no guy in my generation who would be mature enough to talk with me about real life. About things like family, friends, life itself. Even just jokes. Sure there are some, but I'm guessing none would even be mature enough to talk with me about let's say, philosophy. Or even just good books. I was sorely mistaken about the maturity of 16 to 17 year old BOYS. I was hoping to click with them, you know. But no, I was very nicely thrown over the unending cliff of disappointment. Nice one, fate.

Maybe it just really means, I really have to wait until after college to find really mature guys who can actually stand up to me. Young boys aren't very fond of girls with actual thinking heads which aren't focused on boys, relationships and drama. Or maybe, it will be really hard to find guys who can stand up to me.

I kind of found one. And he is taken. See? All the decent guys really are either gay or taken. Woe is to me. I'm not even looking for a relationship in that sense, we were just looking for guy friends.

And what did we find?

Well, I'll leave that up to you to infer. I'm assuming you've enough information already.

Haha, all this on V day. :) It's ok really. I will not be sad today just because of them. This experience really just cemented my opinion about not having relationships at this age.

My Life As It Is

Since I am flawed by the inferiority complex, I have thought of a good idea--at least, I think it is--to boost my self-esteem. Every time I see or meet an inhumanly beautiful person, I will bless them with the most creative ugliest name ever. This way, instead of becoming paranoid and stimulating my not-so-dormant-ultra-competitive self, I will just be enormously humored. Yes, this is my kind of humor. Sorry to disgust.



Anyhow, I just received an e-mail for my aunt. She constantly reminds me of the fact that "I will accomplish great things.". It's kind of flattering but at the same time also it makes me feel like I have to NOT disappoint her. Pressure, man. Of course, I want to be "great" too. It's just that there are SO MANY things I want to do.

Here's a list:
I WANT TO:
- be a great artist
- be a great dancer
- be a great writer
- learn yoga and pilates
- become fluent in Chinese
- understand (at least) Japanese
- learn Spanish, European Languages basically
- attain a scholarship in Ateneo
- attain a scholarship in an Ivy League
- serve others: organizations
ETC.ETC.ETC.

-----------------------

Just today, I found a side of my bestie I wasn't really aware existed. Hahaha...It's just that she is usually so kind and considerate that you wouldn't guess she could experience all sorts of negative emotions. Stupid assumption, I know. It doesn't really make me like her less. It's actually a good thing because now at least I know that she IS human too, not just an angel sent by God to be my friend. :)

That's all my thoughts for now, folks. :)
I'm so corny. Gotta eat and study.

Optimum Level of Tolerance

I am so insensitive.

I mean, I know that I'm a pretty frank, straight-forward, and I really tend to express my opinions in a very blunt and sadly, offending way. I'm even bordering on domineering. But I don't--well, I guess I have to admit that I DO SOMETIMES force my views on some people. I just like making people know me, understand me. I want them to know what I think. Wow, that's so...self-centered? At the end of the day, don't we all just want to be understood?

So the sun was intense. The temperature was rising, and sweat was trickling down our backs, making our shirts stick to our skin. It was very hot and the light was almost blinding, being directly on us.

Denise said something along the lines of her skin getting darker. I said what's wrong with that. She replied that she just didn't want to get darker. I was vehement. I said, "Discrimination. Why is darker skin always equated as less desirable, ugly, and inferior?" Something along those lines. She just kept quiet.

Yes, she is indeed that kind. She follows the principle of not saying anything if you don't have anything good to say.

Which brings me to my conclusion. Around me people have an optimum level of tolerance--when they don't spend that much time around me and when I'm actually aware of everything I'm saying/doing. Otherwise, they will just die in the zero levels of tolerance.

Biology is seriously growing on me.

God help me, bless me for our quiz tomorrow.