About time I reflected upon my tumultuous relationship with my mother. (Heh, can't remember if I have already written this, but for a long time now, I've been really fascinated with the idea of writing my "Last Will and Testament". It just seems so interesting 'cause you'll have to think like you ARE already dying. I think many of us would be surprised--or not, by what really is the most important to us, once we realize that we have a very limited(more so than usual) time here on earth.In the end,you might actually discover more about yourself after doing this exercise.)
Anyhow, I was digressing. But I just wanted to get that out of my system. Another future plan up ahead. Hahaha...
So I will reflect upon my relationship with my mother. Hahaha....(Same first sentence...No need to understand.) The first thing that comes to mind(or maybe only at this moment...I don't really know.), if I am ever asked, or put into the situation that I will have no other choice but to write about my parents--or if I just want to, like right now, write about them, is that my parents were never supportive. Oh, they were supportive about the right things, like school and studies, choir, and when I was swimming. But when I wanted to take art classes? No. When I was dying to learn conversational Chinese? NO. When I wanted to take up dance classes? NO.
It's so similar to all the things I've read about parents and their children. Parents rarely let their children become the people the children themselves want to be. Rather, they make their own children become who they want their children to be. And I hate it. There are so many things now that I see people (not necessarily parents) treat children which I promise myself(and I guess, my future children), I will never do to my FUTURE children.
My mom said she had promised herself when she was younger similar things too, and she told me that things don't always go as planned. But that's BULLCARP.
My parents--MY mom (this is mostly about my WONDERFUL mother) was never supportive. She's a big hunk of lazy human. She thinks because she's already OLD, a parent and an adult, she doesn't need to do anything else. Her life is FINISHED. And she's what 46? See? What a truckload of BS. BS.BS.BS. My mother is full of that.
I know it seems appallingly ungrateful of me to call my mother that. But let HER become your mom. And thing I hate most(about her and PEOPLE in general) is that people often set up a facade in public. My mother's all smiling faces and charming around OTHER people. But with her family? Fill in the blanks yourself. It's not rocket science.
Yeah, I know that human beings act differently in another environment or with a set of people than they do with others. People may act differently if they're with the family, or with friends. But is it too hard to SMILE--FOR FEEK's SAKE--just SMILE, around your family. What makes her smile? My youngest sister's antics. Yea, makes me wish that eleven years ago I had made her smile too, right? I doubt it. I was a demon child, the black sheep, or the spawn of Satan, if you will.
HAHAHA...but that's a whole other story. I'll just stick with this discussion about my mother.
Whenever I want to do something, like go to dance classes, I have to fight for it. I have to constantly nag, whine, and be generally annoying and insufferable, to get enrolled. I guess they might be training me for the real world, where if you REALLY want something, you HAVE to fight tooth and nail for it. (YEA RIGHT.)
As I've said, my mother is just one big hunk of lazy human. She doesn't have goals, as far as I know. Probably why she's always cranky and generally unpleasant. Bossy, too prideful, think she's always right. I guess, I should be happy that she isn't abusive, an alcoholic, a cheater, or whatnot. But is that really all there is I can thank her for? For all the things she isn't? (and heck, I can NOT thank her for these too.) How about for all the things she is? Yea, she's the one I go shop my clothes with. She used to help me with homework, and now he does my younger sisters. (But it's school. DUH.)She cooks RARELY, she cleans the house even more RARELY, she fetches us from school RARELY. Yea, she works to feed us. But mostly, her business doesn't require her presence, so what does she do? Lounges around the house just like a big hunk of lazy human, and she watches TV, lying down, signing checks, sleeping. See? Lazy. She doesn't read, or garden, she doesn't even really take care of my youngest sister FULL TIME (only before going to sleep). Those are the HELPERS' job/tasks. She doesn't organize the house (only very rarely).
I know she does care about us. I never said she didn't.
It's just that she could be a better mother.
She thinks because she's old, she doesn't have to do anything else. Like her life is over, she's even said once that she could die peacefully any time now. AND I WAS SO DISGUSTED, for once, I didn't even say anything. I mean, I'd picture a wholehearted mother (and probably this because she got pregnant with my father's child out of wedlock) as someone who would want to make sure that all of her children are well off into the world before they could peacefully die. I would picture REAL mothers to out their children as their first priority. I dunno if it's just a fairytale idea, but it's just that it's how I would think I would treat my children too, you know. Like they are the ones who will give me a purpose in life. The reason I live. And for my OWN mother to just say that ANY FREAKIN TIME NOW SHE WOUDN'T MIND IF SHE DIED?? WTHECK KINDOF MOTHER SAYS THAT???? To her children, nonetheless. It's really one of the things I will never ever forget.
It disgusts me.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Crosses
"Other men's crosses are not mine."
Hmmmm... There's an argument going on inside my war zone of a mind for a while. (But now that I think about it, I'm thinking that it hasn't been going on in my head for just a "while"...it's been there for much longer than that. Since I was at my younger years probably. It's just now that I chose to really face the dragon head on. Yet, there are still so many dragons I must face--well, I guess everyone has his own deposit of dragons to be faced.) See, one side agrees with the quote up there. It's kind of like what my CLE teacher, Ms. Ng, said one time. That you do your part, and if the other party won't do theirs, then it isn't your problem anymore. It's theirs. The specific example at that time was the issue of what course of action to take when you meet a beggar. Will you give them money though it would probably go into the beggar's "master"'s pocket? Will you give the beggar money though this beggar can still choose to have a job? Will you give the beggar money though in the end, it might only be used for more harm than good? Will you give the beggar anything at all and risk the chance of the beggar's utter dependence on people who give them money?
My teacher admitted that it was a hard decision to make--especially if you don't know if the beggar is REALLY a beggar. The person may just be pulling your leg. But Ms. Ng said that the way she thinks about it is that she will give the beggar whatever, and that is her part--her good deed. And whatever the beggar decides to do with what she's given him/her, then that's his/her part--whether good of bad.
She brought this up again when we were discussing the movie(which I still haven't gotten the chance to watch YET), "Facing the Giants".
My parents tell this to me too. I guess any sane person who doesn't want to get involved in messy business would follow this motto, which in simpler words is just "Mind your own business."
Obviously, I'm the person on the other side of the fence. I REALLY want to disagree. But truth be told, I'm just really torn. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Yeah, I guess the simplest way to know what's right is by asking, "WWJD?(What Would Jesus Do?)". But sometimes, it's not that easy--or I may be just complicating things but WTHeck? I am digressing.
My side is that how can you just MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? your own problems, etc.etc. See, Jesus WOULD NOT mind his own business. DUDE, he DIED for the whole human race. If he just minded his own business, then he wouldn't have cared--YEAH, I know, minding your own business is not the same as only caring about yourself, BUT damn, well, it's close as close can be--about any of us. Jesus carried ALL our crosses. So I guess the right thing to do is be just as selfless as Him, right? Because it is what Jesus would do. And just like this Buddhist teaching about all of us being connected. This idea's also repeated in Mitch Albom's books. So if all of us inevitably affects each other--
"..the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."
--then that means that we should NOT mind our own business BECAUSE anybody's business is EVERYBODY's business. AGH. Get what I'm trying to say?
So what Jesus would do is not what my parents/teacher/sane people would do.
If everyone just minded his own business, then no one would help a person who tripped--because it's the fallen person's own business. Sure, I guess some people would rather not be helped and so keep up the facade that they don't need help from other people because 'nothing is wrong' rather than facing the humiliation, while others would be grateful for the help.
I just received a text message from our choir coordinator asking the choir members to pray for our conductor who's in the hospital right now. And I'm thinking about this issue again...and I'm thinking maybe the definition of business is what's wrong. I mean, see, it isn't OUR business what our conductor's choice of living is which could be what lead him to become hospitalized. But it is our business if he gets well enough to be our conductor again. AGH, I'm cunfused myself.
And I'm thinking maybe a simpler way to phrase this argument is: "Selfishness VS. Selflessness." I'm sure others would disagree that minding your own business is selfishness, but think about it. In the end, isn't it all just the same banana?
But the thing is that (thought occurred--SEE I hate writing things down. Writing is so slow compared to how thoughts go around inside my messy mind. I'm just beginning to write this thought, but already my brain has thought behind it....AGH. Hahahaha...)the reason that the motto "Mind your own business" was created in the first place is that we aren't all like Jesus. We are just humans (or not? are humans not limited to this?) so we can't carry EVERYONE's crosses. We aren't divine like HIM. We're just mere mortals. But the confusing part is that a lot agree that doing the right thing is equivalent to WJWD. But maybe it's not?
I DON'T KNOW.
This is my confusion since the beginning of time.
Hahaha... I need enlightenment. The thought that occurred==> the answer to everything is balance. So the answer is (Yes, I answer myself. Don't you?) you need to balance selfishness and selflessness. I mean that you have to know when to be selfish and when to be selfless?? HAHAHA...this is sounding ummm....
Yeah.
I need help, seriously. (Doesn't everyone?)
Love, KC
Hmmmm... There's an argument going on inside my war zone of a mind for a while. (But now that I think about it, I'm thinking that it hasn't been going on in my head for just a "while"...it's been there for much longer than that. Since I was at my younger years probably. It's just now that I chose to really face the dragon head on. Yet, there are still so many dragons I must face--well, I guess everyone has his own deposit of dragons to be faced.) See, one side agrees with the quote up there. It's kind of like what my CLE teacher, Ms. Ng, said one time. That you do your part, and if the other party won't do theirs, then it isn't your problem anymore. It's theirs. The specific example at that time was the issue of what course of action to take when you meet a beggar. Will you give them money though it would probably go into the beggar's "master"'s pocket? Will you give the beggar money though this beggar can still choose to have a job? Will you give the beggar money though in the end, it might only be used for more harm than good? Will you give the beggar anything at all and risk the chance of the beggar's utter dependence on people who give them money?
My teacher admitted that it was a hard decision to make--especially if you don't know if the beggar is REALLY a beggar. The person may just be pulling your leg. But Ms. Ng said that the way she thinks about it is that she will give the beggar whatever, and that is her part--her good deed. And whatever the beggar decides to do with what she's given him/her, then that's his/her part--whether good of bad.
She brought this up again when we were discussing the movie(which I still haven't gotten the chance to watch YET), "Facing the Giants".
My parents tell this to me too. I guess any sane person who doesn't want to get involved in messy business would follow this motto, which in simpler words is just "Mind your own business."
Obviously, I'm the person on the other side of the fence. I REALLY want to disagree. But truth be told, I'm just really torn. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Yeah, I guess the simplest way to know what's right is by asking, "WWJD?(What Would Jesus Do?)". But sometimes, it's not that easy--or I may be just complicating things but WTHeck? I am digressing.
My side is that how can you just MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? your own problems, etc.etc. See, Jesus WOULD NOT mind his own business. DUDE, he DIED for the whole human race. If he just minded his own business, then he wouldn't have cared--YEAH, I know, minding your own business is not the same as only caring about yourself, BUT damn, well, it's close as close can be--about any of us. Jesus carried ALL our crosses. So I guess the right thing to do is be just as selfless as Him, right? Because it is what Jesus would do. And just like this Buddhist teaching about all of us being connected. This idea's also repeated in Mitch Albom's books. So if all of us inevitably affects each other--
"..the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."
--then that means that we should NOT mind our own business BECAUSE anybody's business is EVERYBODY's business. AGH. Get what I'm trying to say?
So what Jesus would do is not what my parents/teacher/sane people would do.
If everyone just minded his own business, then no one would help a person who tripped--because it's the fallen person's own business. Sure, I guess some people would rather not be helped and so keep up the facade that they don't need help from other people because 'nothing is wrong' rather than facing the humiliation, while others would be grateful for the help.
I just received a text message from our choir coordinator asking the choir members to pray for our conductor who's in the hospital right now. And I'm thinking about this issue again...and I'm thinking maybe the definition of business is what's wrong. I mean, see, it isn't OUR business what our conductor's choice of living is which could be what lead him to become hospitalized. But it is our business if he gets well enough to be our conductor again. AGH, I'm cunfused myself.
And I'm thinking maybe a simpler way to phrase this argument is: "Selfishness VS. Selflessness." I'm sure others would disagree that minding your own business is selfishness, but think about it. In the end, isn't it all just the same banana?
But the thing is that (thought occurred--SEE I hate writing things down. Writing is so slow compared to how thoughts go around inside my messy mind. I'm just beginning to write this thought, but already my brain has thought behind it....AGH. Hahahaha...)the reason that the motto "Mind your own business" was created in the first place is that we aren't all like Jesus. We are just humans (or not? are humans not limited to this?) so we can't carry EVERYONE's crosses. We aren't divine like HIM. We're just mere mortals. But the confusing part is that a lot agree that doing the right thing is equivalent to WJWD. But maybe it's not?
I DON'T KNOW.
This is my confusion since the beginning of time.
Hahaha... I need enlightenment. The thought that occurred==> the answer to everything is balance. So the answer is (Yes, I answer myself. Don't you?) you need to balance selfishness and selflessness. I mean that you have to know when to be selfish and when to be selfless?? HAHAHA...this is sounding ummm....
Yeah.
I need help, seriously. (Doesn't everyone?)
Love, KC
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I know
It's breath-taking how wonderful knowing is.
There's just such beauty and a feeling of wholeness, of completion it brings. Knowing brings with it, sometimes, a part that should be in you that you never knew existed or something you never knew you needed. I just wanted to find this meaning. The reason for something horribly, horridly, hideously beautiful which would completely make it such a glorious, crystal-clear, piercing, pure ray of light.
You see, Jodi Picoult's books (well, mostly those that I've read, which is just around 3? And from the very first page, they've pulled me in. She writes with such elegance. It's just beautiful.) have such strength that it just hooks you and make you realize that there is something beautiful in the simplest things. She writes with such beauty--I'm sorry if I'm saying that word too much. But, truly, it's the only word fit to describe her writing. She took art to the next level.--and brings relevance to the simplest of things. She makes you feel. Her characters are so real. (That rhymed. LOL...This ain't no poem.) She writes about the daily things we do and makes them new. (I can her CLE classes now. Jesus makes all things new.)She pulls you out of being a jaded being.
But, I am digressing.
Back to her characters, they're just so real. So when something so atrocious happens to them, it's hard not to cringe. And well, most of her characters deal with sadness, pain, sorrow, loss, and disagreement. That's the great paradox I experience in her writing. I'm so hooked to it, literally pulled into each character's story, yet at the same time, I'm so affected with all the pain they undergo that it depresses me too. And sometimes, her stories don't end fairytalesque. People get hurt, suffer, and die in her stories. That's why I wanted to find the reason behind all the suffering.
I asked, "What is J.P. trying to convey through her stories?". Or maybe more appropriately, "What is her story trying to get across?"
And for once, my epiphany occurred just now, while I'm not held up by anything, without any other distraction, within reach of my PC.
And you know what my brain told me?
Well, see. I was caressing my new Jodi Picoult book--it's hardbound(Yes, I just have to brag about that. It's not often I get a hardbound copy of a book I've been looking for for some time for 200 bucks. AND, that's in peso. And supposedly, it's one of her greatest works. A reliable friend of mine told me so.)--when I realized it. I knew the reason.
The HARDBOUND book I was caressing.
Jodi Picoult--or her stories--is(are) conveying us the beauty of each story happening since time immemorial, happening as we speak, and that is on the verge of becoming one. They teach us that each person has a story to tell. And each story is just as important as the other.
She delivers us the beauty of each story, and the purest form of the art of writing.
There's just such beauty and a feeling of wholeness, of completion it brings. Knowing brings with it, sometimes, a part that should be in you that you never knew existed or something you never knew you needed. I just wanted to find this meaning. The reason for something horribly, horridly, hideously beautiful which would completely make it such a glorious, crystal-clear, piercing, pure ray of light.
You see, Jodi Picoult's books (well, mostly those that I've read, which is just around 3? And from the very first page, they've pulled me in. She writes with such elegance. It's just beautiful.) have such strength that it just hooks you and make you realize that there is something beautiful in the simplest things. She writes with such beauty--I'm sorry if I'm saying that word too much. But, truly, it's the only word fit to describe her writing. She took art to the next level.--and brings relevance to the simplest of things. She makes you feel. Her characters are so real. (That rhymed. LOL...This ain't no poem.) She writes about the daily things we do and makes them new. (I can her CLE classes now. Jesus makes all things new.)She pulls you out of being a jaded being.
But, I am digressing.
Back to her characters, they're just so real. So when something so atrocious happens to them, it's hard not to cringe. And well, most of her characters deal with sadness, pain, sorrow, loss, and disagreement. That's the great paradox I experience in her writing. I'm so hooked to it, literally pulled into each character's story, yet at the same time, I'm so affected with all the pain they undergo that it depresses me too. And sometimes, her stories don't end fairytalesque. People get hurt, suffer, and die in her stories. That's why I wanted to find the reason behind all the suffering.
I asked, "What is J.P. trying to convey through her stories?". Or maybe more appropriately, "What is her story trying to get across?"
And for once, my epiphany occurred just now, while I'm not held up by anything, without any other distraction, within reach of my PC.
And you know what my brain told me?
Well, see. I was caressing my new Jodi Picoult book--it's hardbound(Yes, I just have to brag about that. It's not often I get a hardbound copy of a book I've been looking for for some time for 200 bucks. AND, that's in peso. And supposedly, it's one of her greatest works. A reliable friend of mine told me so.)--when I realized it. I knew the reason.
The HARDBOUND book I was caressing.
Jodi Picoult--or her stories--is(are) conveying us the beauty of each story happening since time immemorial, happening as we speak, and that is on the verge of becoming one. They teach us that each person has a story to tell. And each story is just as important as the other.
She delivers us the beauty of each story, and the purest form of the art of writing.
Wordless = Wordful
You know(whoever you may be), I always have such a good idea of what to write in my bloggie. But those little epiphanies always happen when I'm not writing at my blog. I just think of them almost randomly. Like, "Oh, hey! This is a nice idea to write about LATER." So I never really got to write about all those nice ideas. When I'm not in front of the computer typing all these things, the ideas just zoom and zap and zip inside my head. But once I'm already here, sitting down at this red computer seat, typing away on the keyboard, all the zooming, zapping and zipping just stop. Irritating.
Hmmm...see, I wanted to write about such interesting things. They're so brilliant ideas they make my eyes water just thinking about it. (Right.) But oftentimes, I just forget about them, or I remember but I'm too lazy to write, OR I remember but the idea doesn't seem as brilliantly tear-inducing as before.
I had a pretty neat little idea just recently too. It's that I should post more pictures in my blog, to make it more easy on the eyes(Since I've noticed people tend to shy away from epic, word-filled entries.) and to make it more interesting. HAH. But the ginomorousy problemy is that I don't even take pictures as much as other picture/word-posting bloggers out there. And I find it too hassling, time-consuming and tedious. Or maybe, I'm just lazy. See, our computer is kind of a hybrid of one from the middle ages and one from today's age. It's ok, but it's damn slooooow in uploading and loading things. Our internet connection really sucks. Anyhow, another factor to be taken into consideration is that i don't really carry my cam everywhere and that I don't only write about VISIBLE, camera-captur-able things. I write about abstract ideas and the like.
Hahaha, for someone who didn't really even know what to write about, this entry is turning out to be long, eh? And I don't even think I'm half done.
I've said it before(I think.)and I'll say it again, it's so hard to write about what you feel/think/whatever because your mind doesn't stop thinking so ideas just keep on coalescing, changing, and transforming. It's difficult to even try to begin.
But, let's see. Hmmm...
Today, I will really write about...UGH. Whatever, I wanted to write such fantabulistic ideas but I'm finding myself too lazy to write about them now(again.) Hahaha...So i'll just REALLY write about what I feel/think right now. Excuse them if they're so random, they make your head jump and do some crazy, wiggly dance inside your cranium.
First of all, this guy is soooo good-looking...yummm. HAHAHHA...don't worry, even I'm disgusted at myself.
Next, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY TO THE INFINITY want to watch Avatar: The legend of Aang. UGH. It's killing me, mahn.
AND, I also want to watch tearfully huge quantities of chick-flicks. And I want to watch Eli Stone. Mahn, where are the good TV shows when I actually have the time to watch them?
Life sure knows how to stink well.
What else do I want to do? I want to learn some self-defense martial arts. Useful for potential rapists/robbers/murderers. I want to go to an art school, dance school, and learn conversational Chinese. I want to read Nolimetangere and El Filibusterismo, but the Filipino is so deep to the deepest trench in wherever(Marianas Trench? I forgot where and what's the name of the deepest trench is. Grade school has been sooo long ago. Yea, right.) my brain only registers only about a fourth of each paragraph.
ARUGHHHHHH....
Well, those are the current innards of my cerebellum. Hope they entertained. LOL.
Love, Kristina :P
PS. AND I REALLY want to go to SOMEPLACE for a good summer VACATION. Dude, I don't think my family even has anything planned. It sucks. Yes, it does. (And you know what? Of course you don't. But anyhow, all the time I'm complaining and saying "This sucks, this is so damn middle-aged, etc.etc.etc." my mind s going spiritual and telling me that "Thou shalt not complain; self-pity is not a good habit.". Well, you can't deny it, can you? EVERYONE does have weird brain waves ALL THE TIME. Or at lest, I think so.)
Goodbye now, really, for real.
:D
Hmmm...see, I wanted to write about such interesting things. They're so brilliant ideas they make my eyes water just thinking about it. (Right.) But oftentimes, I just forget about them, or I remember but I'm too lazy to write, OR I remember but the idea doesn't seem as brilliantly tear-inducing as before.
I had a pretty neat little idea just recently too. It's that I should post more pictures in my blog, to make it more easy on the eyes(Since I've noticed people tend to shy away from epic, word-filled entries.) and to make it more interesting. HAH. But the ginomorousy problemy is that I don't even take pictures as much as other picture/word-posting bloggers out there. And I find it too hassling, time-consuming and tedious. Or maybe, I'm just lazy. See, our computer is kind of a hybrid of one from the middle ages and one from today's age. It's ok, but it's damn slooooow in uploading and loading things. Our internet connection really sucks. Anyhow, another factor to be taken into consideration is that i don't really carry my cam everywhere and that I don't only write about VISIBLE, camera-captur-able things. I write about abstract ideas and the like.
Hahaha, for someone who didn't really even know what to write about, this entry is turning out to be long, eh? And I don't even think I'm half done.
I've said it before(I think.)and I'll say it again, it's so hard to write about what you feel/think/whatever because your mind doesn't stop thinking so ideas just keep on coalescing, changing, and transforming. It's difficult to even try to begin.
But, let's see. Hmmm...
Today, I will really write about...UGH. Whatever, I wanted to write such fantabulistic ideas but I'm finding myself too lazy to write about them now(again.) Hahaha...So i'll just REALLY write about what I feel/think right now. Excuse them if they're so random, they make your head jump and do some crazy, wiggly dance inside your cranium.
First of all, this guy is soooo good-looking...yummm. HAHAHHA...don't worry, even I'm disgusted at myself.
Next, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY TO THE INFINITY want to watch Avatar: The legend of Aang. UGH. It's killing me, mahn.
AND, I also want to watch tearfully huge quantities of chick-flicks. And I want to watch Eli Stone. Mahn, where are the good TV shows when I actually have the time to watch them?
Life sure knows how to stink well.
What else do I want to do? I want to learn some self-defense martial arts. Useful for potential rapists/robbers/murderers. I want to go to an art school, dance school, and learn conversational Chinese. I want to read Nolimetangere and El Filibusterismo, but the Filipino is so deep to the deepest trench in wherever(Marianas Trench? I forgot where and what's the name of the deepest trench is. Grade school has been sooo long ago. Yea, right.) my brain only registers only about a fourth of each paragraph.
ARUGHHHHHH....
Well, those are the current innards of my cerebellum. Hope they entertained. LOL.
Love, Kristina :P
PS. AND I REALLY want to go to SOMEPLACE for a good summer VACATION. Dude, I don't think my family even has anything planned. It sucks. Yes, it does. (And you know what? Of course you don't. But anyhow, all the time I'm complaining and saying "This sucks, this is so damn middle-aged, etc.etc.etc." my mind s going spiritual and telling me that "Thou shalt not complain; self-pity is not a good habit.". Well, you can't deny it, can you? EVERYONE does have weird brain waves ALL THE TIME. Or at lest, I think so.)
Goodbye now, really, for real.
:D
Friday, February 27, 2009
Human Nature?
Listening to: The Corrs :) (I love the song "What Can I Do")
Now, in High School, so many things seem so cliche, overused, overrated, repetitive and unoriginal. Is it ok to feel so jaded at this point of my life? I'm still very,very young, by the world's standards anyway. I just feel so old sometimes, like I'm so fed up with some things about life. NOTE: I am NOT suicidal.
I mean, so many things in class are repeated again and again. Ideas, opinions, and answers repeated so many times, as if they're memorized by rote. Sure, the occasional original ideas--Well, I guess I'm being kind of stingy here. (Since our class is a star section, after all.) So, fine, the more than occasional--original, enlightening answer is more than welcomed and is refreshing. But still, so many things that are overspent just so stubbornly persist to crop up again and again in the vast field of life. Silly little weeds.
And well, these weeds include all the traits 'we' say is HUMAN NATURE. It's just tiring to just always use and hear this excuse time and time again. See, let's list all the things ascribed to human nature: (Oh, where do I even start?) Defensiveness, Jealousy/Envy, Greed, Sloth, developing Prejudices, Selfishness, Consciousness, Making mistakes, Loving, Hating, Caring, Lust, (HAHAHA...sensing the theme here? Want a dose of the Seven Deadly Sins, anyone?) PRIDE/VANITY, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
It just disgusts me, sickens me, revolts me how so infested I am with these so called weeds. I am so filled with pride, jealousy, probably all the seven deadly sins. And what's so completely ironic about it is the fact that I can be and am actually so loving, compassionate, carefree and happy. I'm always so torn, always in the gray area. Belonging to neither area.
GECK, I'm having an identity crisis here.
But it's so true. I'd get so unbelievably, outrageously jealous and envious but at the same time, I'll be telling myself to stop it. Self-pity is not a good habit. I'll tell myself to stop comparing myself to others, AND believe me I do want to stop. (Gore, it sounds like a freakin' addiction.) But no matter how much I tell myself I'm going to stop and no matter how much I reprimand myself, it never stops. It never will--But, I hope it will. SEE? I'm like this--I AM THE PERSONIFICATION, THE PERFECT LIVING EXAMPLE OF A WALKING CONTRADICTION.
And it so irritates me how obsessive I can be with some things, even though I do not want to obsess over it. I abhor this habit of mine. And I know about all that tee-tee-too things like, "If you want to stop it, you can." "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right. " Yes, I know. But, lookie here. It's harder than it seems.
I just obsess over even the simplest things: how I look, how I speak, my achievements, recognition given to me, how I do things. I do have a "High Need for Precision". And yes, a PSYCHOlogical test claimed that. So, I'll finally get down to why I wrote this post in the first place. I am so OBSESSIVE over how I look. BUT, I don't want to be that kind of person. I don't want to be a pitiful superficial being.
Ok, no more fancy stuff or any grandiloquence. I'll just spit it out.
I'm so sickeningly, disgustingly, reprehensibly, abhorrently jealous. I'm so detrimentally jealous because I am not as pretty as I'd lead myself to believe. (I know, WHAT THE HECK? Who thought I could be this superficial, right? Yeah, I am such a hypocrite. Aren't we all? HAHAHA...another thing to add to our list of human nature attributes.)Humph, I'm so depressed because of that. And for a person who does not want to be so attached to worldly things I am so imprisoned by it. I do want to be free. I don't want to live an existence that's limited to the surface. I want to be content. I want to be happy.
Sheesh, I don't even know what exactly I want.
I can't help comparing myself to others. I am just so disheartened when I see so much better people around me. I don't want to be a serial killer,no. I'm just sooo, sooo jealous. I can't take it if someone's better than me. I really need to learn humility. I AM such a horrible person. I hate myself too. YES, YOU don't have to read this you know. Since, I'm pouring my heart out and all, and some people don't really like seeing (or reading about) the blackened contents of a poisoned--twisted heart.
I don't like this any more than you do. I want to know who I am, what I can do, how far I can go. I want to be realistic and hopefully, naively optimistic at the same time. I can be totally consumed with jealousy, admiration, and self-disgust at the same time. I can hate what's happening so much and yet still want to love it in spite of the circumstances. I can love so utterly and hate so passionately. I'm a walking fuse. I don't know how much more time's left till I'm really overspent.
AND YET, despite all the things I abhor and cannot accept about myself, I want to. Yes, I'm getting repetitive already, I know. I just REALLY can't get over it. I'd always thought--cocky and arrogant, I know. I think I even romanticized myself to myself--that XY-chromosomed beings would literally fall at my feet. I'd always believed cocky and arrogant people are that way because they think that they don't have anything else other than what they're being cocky/arrogant about so they romanticize their view of themselves enough to delude even themselves because they think that thing they're arrogant they have is the ONLY thing they have that's actually worthy of space. So, arrogant people are arrogant because, truth is, THEY DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING. And when the brutality of the truth would crash down on them, rising up after falling a gazillion miles to the ground is impossible--unthinkable. LAGAPAK. Or maybe that's just me. But I almost-positively do not believe so.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not connected at all. Yes, I'm quirky like this.
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN I'VE EVER LAID MY MALNOURISHED EYES ON:
Now, in High School, so many things seem so cliche, overused, overrated, repetitive and unoriginal. Is it ok to feel so jaded at this point of my life? I'm still very,very young, by the world's standards anyway. I just feel so old sometimes, like I'm so fed up with some things about life. NOTE: I am NOT suicidal.
I mean, so many things in class are repeated again and again. Ideas, opinions, and answers repeated so many times, as if they're memorized by rote. Sure, the occasional original ideas--Well, I guess I'm being kind of stingy here. (Since our class is a star section, after all.) So, fine, the more than occasional--original, enlightening answer is more than welcomed and is refreshing. But still, so many things that are overspent just so stubbornly persist to crop up again and again in the vast field of life. Silly little weeds.
And well, these weeds include all the traits 'we' say is HUMAN NATURE. It's just tiring to just always use and hear this excuse time and time again. See, let's list all the things ascribed to human nature: (Oh, where do I even start?) Defensiveness, Jealousy/Envy, Greed, Sloth, developing Prejudices, Selfishness, Consciousness, Making mistakes, Loving, Hating, Caring, Lust, (HAHAHA...sensing the theme here? Want a dose of the Seven Deadly Sins, anyone?) PRIDE/VANITY, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
It just disgusts me, sickens me, revolts me how so infested I am with these so called weeds. I am so filled with pride, jealousy, probably all the seven deadly sins. And what's so completely ironic about it is the fact that I can be and am actually so loving, compassionate, carefree and happy. I'm always so torn, always in the gray area. Belonging to neither area.
GECK, I'm having an identity crisis here.
But it's so true. I'd get so unbelievably, outrageously jealous and envious but at the same time, I'll be telling myself to stop it. Self-pity is not a good habit. I'll tell myself to stop comparing myself to others, AND believe me I do want to stop. (Gore, it sounds like a freakin' addiction.) But no matter how much I tell myself I'm going to stop and no matter how much I reprimand myself, it never stops. It never will--But, I hope it will. SEE? I'm like this--I AM THE PERSONIFICATION, THE PERFECT LIVING EXAMPLE OF A WALKING CONTRADICTION.
And it so irritates me how obsessive I can be with some things, even though I do not want to obsess over it. I abhor this habit of mine. And I know about all that tee-tee-too things like, "If you want to stop it, you can." "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right. " Yes, I know. But, lookie here. It's harder than it seems.
I just obsess over even the simplest things: how I look, how I speak, my achievements, recognition given to me, how I do things. I do have a "High Need for Precision". And yes, a PSYCHOlogical test claimed that. So, I'll finally get down to why I wrote this post in the first place. I am so OBSESSIVE over how I look. BUT, I don't want to be that kind of person. I don't want to be a pitiful superficial being.
Ok, no more fancy stuff or any grandiloquence. I'll just spit it out.
I'm so sickeningly, disgustingly, reprehensibly, abhorrently jealous. I'm so detrimentally jealous because I am not as pretty as I'd lead myself to believe. (I know, WHAT THE HECK? Who thought I could be this superficial, right? Yeah, I am such a hypocrite. Aren't we all? HAHAHA...another thing to add to our list of human nature attributes.)Humph, I'm so depressed because of that. And for a person who does not want to be so attached to worldly things I am so imprisoned by it. I do want to be free. I don't want to live an existence that's limited to the surface. I want to be content. I want to be happy.
Sheesh, I don't even know what exactly I want.
I can't help comparing myself to others. I am just so disheartened when I see so much better people around me. I don't want to be a serial killer,no. I'm just sooo, sooo jealous. I can't take it if someone's better than me. I really need to learn humility. I AM such a horrible person. I hate myself too. YES, YOU don't have to read this you know. Since, I'm pouring my heart out and all, and some people don't really like seeing (or reading about) the blackened contents of a poisoned--twisted heart.
I don't like this any more than you do. I want to know who I am, what I can do, how far I can go. I want to be realistic and hopefully, naively optimistic at the same time. I can be totally consumed with jealousy, admiration, and self-disgust at the same time. I can hate what's happening so much and yet still want to love it in spite of the circumstances. I can love so utterly and hate so passionately. I'm a walking fuse. I don't know how much more time's left till I'm really overspent.
AND YET, despite all the things I abhor and cannot accept about myself, I want to. Yes, I'm getting repetitive already, I know. I just REALLY can't get over it. I'd always thought--cocky and arrogant, I know. I think I even romanticized myself to myself--that XY-chromosomed beings would literally fall at my feet. I'd always believed cocky and arrogant people are that way because they think that they don't have anything else other than what they're being cocky/arrogant about so they romanticize their view of themselves enough to delude even themselves because they think that thing they're arrogant they have is the ONLY thing they have that's actually worthy of space. So, arrogant people are arrogant because, truth is, THEY DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING. And when the brutality of the truth would crash down on them, rising up after falling a gazillion miles to the ground is impossible--unthinkable. LAGAPAK. Or maybe that's just me. But I almost-positively do not believe so.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not connected at all. Yes, I'm quirky like this.
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN I'VE EVER LAID MY MALNOURISHED EYES ON:
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Survey from My Cousin
Please answer these questions truthfully and thoroughly. Thank you very much! (Need more space?? Please write on the back of this paper indicating Q#.)
Female ( X, wait x ba meaning no? HEHE JOKE! :D) Male ( ) Age:15…ata. Wait…uhh 1993 basta un… JOKE. :D Good luck sa survey/project mo! Here comes my stupendous answers to your most wonderful survey! YEY! Cue the fanfare!
1. What music do you listen to? Why?
Mostly jazz, pop, classical, pop-opera(or whatever you call it, basta JOSH GROBAN :D), (melodic and not SCREECHY) rock, slow sweet songs, BASTA ung relaxing. (Pwede ba tagalog? HAHAHA…ANYHOW, you can translate anyway. )
I like listening to music that put you in a good mood, those with good lyrics and catchy melodies. I like those kind of music basically just because they make you feel better. When you’re feeling down, they cheer you up (especially those with uplifting lyrics). And good songs really calm you down. I love Norah Jones, most of her songs really make me feel super relaxed and just calm—like I’m apart from all the chaotic madness of life.
So here’s a list of artists I like:
Norah Jones(obviously), Josh Groban(obviously again :D), Corinne Bailey Rae, Kevin Kern, Jason Mraz, Jon McLaughlin(LISTEN TO INDUSTRY!! GRABE UNG PIANO PART!! :D), Vanessa Carlton, Taylor Swift(I know, not the greatest lyrics-wise, but her song “Love Story” is just reallyreallyreally sweet and it’s a feel-good song :D But I don’t like it when she’s just moping about a guy in some of her songs)
I don’t like listening to those kind of “music” (and this is using the term broadly) which are full of nonsensical lyrics about sex, drugs, hot girls, etc.etc. AND I hate it when they use bad grammar and COIN terms with no special meaning at all. Para lang magfit sa music. EWAN. AGH. I hate it when they use the ALLURE of practically naked women in music videos. (Sorry, I’m kinda ranting here. It’s just that I hate what’s happening to ‘MUSIC’ nowadays. I MEAN, you know that new Hilary Duff song which just repeats this imperative sentence again and again and again: “REACH OUT AND TOUCH ME.” Where’s the vocal ability? The creativity? SHEESH!! And this sing has actually gone farther than those other songs with only ONE repetitive word/phrase. At least now they’ve managed a sentence.) Don’t get me wrong, I know that not all rap music are about those worldly things, and I do appreciate some music of those kind because they’re catchy. HAHAHA…but I get to know of them involuntarily, unlike those kind of music that I really like which I know of voluntarily. I mean involuntarily because I just hear them through media or because my brother’s playing his music.
2. What TV shows or channels do you usually watch? Why?
Uhhhm. I Don’t watch much TV, but when I do, I watch American Idol. I watch ETC, Lifestyle Network, 2nd Avenue, Fox Crime, NatGeo and Discovery Channel, sometimes MTV(when I like the music video= not filled with practically-naked women). I watch those because they entertain me? Hahaha…Well, let’s see. Fox Crime, NatGeo and Discovery Channel are channels I watch because they sometimes have really interesting documentaries/shows that intrigue me. Like say, this one about the mind of serial killers in Fox Crime (forgot the name of the show). Why did they become that way? What lead to their massacring of countless numbers of people?
But sometimes, when I just want an instant respite from the harsh realities of life (HAHA, JOKE LANG, di ako emo)—I mean, when I just want to be entertained I watch reality TV shows in those other channels. AND who doesn’t like watching Iron Chef? MEHN, just looking at the food is torture. See? If they made TV’s 4D, you’ll smell the food too! Ahhh….WAW.
I personally am not very fond of sitcoms or soap operas. They require too much time and some of them don’t even HAVE a point.
3. What do you read? Why?
Books! Hahaha, what else? I read good books. LOL. Genre: Fantasy, adventure, fiction and also non-fiction. But I’m more of a YA-reader still. I love adventure/fantasy fiction. The epitome of my favourite kind of book would probably be the first book of Ranger’s Apprentice/ Harry Potter :D. I also am fond of Jodi Piccoult’s work. She writes really really well with depth to her characters. I read these books because they entertain me, and because I actually learn from them. Books I’ve learned a lot from: Harry Potter(yes, seriously, here’s an example, Dumbledore said: “Someday, people will have to choose between what’s easy and what’s right.” It’s so true. Also, here’s another one: “Play to your strength.” This was by Mad-Eye Moody. :D) See, I read non-fiction which teach you lessons too. For example: The Last Lecture.
4. Do you smoke? What brand? Why?
NOPE. NEVER! Smoking kills every type of living system. It kills animals(HUMANS, THAT MEANS YOU AND THE PEOPLE WHO INHALE WHAT YOU’VE EXHALED—if you’re a smoker, that is.), and out nature. I don’t know if it kills specie from the Kingdoms Protista, Monera, Fungi and Plantea, but it sure as heck kills the planet. Smokers are murderers and victims themselves. What a pitiful way to EXIST.
5. Do you drink? What is your choice of drink? Why?
NOPE. Well, let’s see, I’m 15. Isn’t that enough reason? I’d probably consider drinking some in the future, but that’s in the very far future. And largely because they say drinking wine has benefits.
6. Where do you go on the weekends? Why?
Uhmm… church? Because I’m Catholic and I sing in the choir. I go to my grandmother’s house because it’s tradition for our family and it’s the part of the week I look forward most to because I love seeing my family. Those are the two constant places I go to every weekend. Sometimes, the malls and restaurants because of course, you gotta get outta the house too, ya know?
7. What do you do on the weekends? Why?
I do my homework (DUH). I go to those places mentioned beforehand. I read, listen to music, eat, sleep, etc. What else? Sometimes, there’s the occasional party or soiree or special event.
8. What do you wear on the weekends? Why?
Clothes? Hahaha…what kind of question is this? Umm, casual clothes? Depends on the occasion/event I’m going to. Uniform for choir.
9. What activities are you involved with?
What do you mean? Organizations? The choir and schoolwork(hahaha),. I am a member of the Batch Production crew, I was a Facilitator for the Xavier-ICA interaction. What do you mean exactly? Hahaha….basta yan.
10. What are your choices of fashion brands? Why?
Kamiseta, Plains and Prints and Bayo. I don’t know, because they have good clothes? Nice quality, nice fit, nice designs?
Iyong iba kahit sa department store na, why not? Sayang sa pera. Hahahaha….
11. What would you never be caught dead wearing? Why?
Uhhmm… I don’t know. Uhh, a super micro-mini skirt, (excuse the vulgarity)‘pekpek’ shorts. (You know what I mean) Those that show too much in the chest area. I think I’m a pretty conservative dresser. Hahaha, di ako furniture.
12. Do you consider yourself a trend-setter/trendy? Why?
Uhm, well, since in school we’re all just basically wearing the same thing—uniforms—I don’t think it applies that much. But I’m not a trend-setter. I just dress how I want to dress. Sure, I also sometimes go with what’s ‘in’, but because I want to not because I’m compelled to.
13. Do people consider you as a trend-setter/trendy? What makes you think so?
Nope, as I’ve said before, the only thing you could probably trend-set in school are the socks you wear and the way you wear your hair. And changing your style of socks can land you in the principals office. Anyhow, I’m not much focused on these things anyway. I do care about how I look but not too much that I lose sight of more important things.
14. How important is it for you to be a trend-setter/trendy? Why?
Obviously not very much. Refer to number 13. :D
15. What is your definition of “cool” and being cool?
None. Hahaha…Well…I guess I identify cool with those things that amaze me. Let’s say, may nasabugan ng bomba, tapos nabuhay pa siya. Iyon ay COOL. ASTIG, dba? Hahaha…ewan. Joke lang. Ewan ko. I don’t really use that word much, only when you have nothing else to say. HAHAHAHA! COOL=Malamig! :D Hahahaha….Cool(the kind of cool you’re looking for, I think), I believe, is defined by media. (Pop culture)
LONG ENOUGH? :D
Female ( X, wait x ba meaning no? HEHE JOKE! :D) Male ( ) Age:15…ata. Wait…uhh 1993 basta un… JOKE. :D Good luck sa survey/project mo! Here comes my stupendous answers to your most wonderful survey! YEY! Cue the fanfare!
1. What music do you listen to? Why?
Mostly jazz, pop, classical, pop-opera(or whatever you call it, basta JOSH GROBAN :D), (melodic and not SCREECHY) rock, slow sweet songs, BASTA ung relaxing. (Pwede ba tagalog? HAHAHA…ANYHOW, you can translate anyway. )
I like listening to music that put you in a good mood, those with good lyrics and catchy melodies. I like those kind of music basically just because they make you feel better. When you’re feeling down, they cheer you up (especially those with uplifting lyrics). And good songs really calm you down. I love Norah Jones, most of her songs really make me feel super relaxed and just calm—like I’m apart from all the chaotic madness of life.
So here’s a list of artists I like:
Norah Jones(obviously), Josh Groban(obviously again :D), Corinne Bailey Rae, Kevin Kern, Jason Mraz, Jon McLaughlin(LISTEN TO INDUSTRY!! GRABE UNG PIANO PART!! :D), Vanessa Carlton, Taylor Swift(I know, not the greatest lyrics-wise, but her song “Love Story” is just reallyreallyreally sweet and it’s a feel-good song :D But I don’t like it when she’s just moping about a guy in some of her songs)
I don’t like listening to those kind of “music” (and this is using the term broadly) which are full of nonsensical lyrics about sex, drugs, hot girls, etc.etc. AND I hate it when they use bad grammar and COIN terms with no special meaning at all. Para lang magfit sa music. EWAN. AGH. I hate it when they use the ALLURE of practically naked women in music videos. (Sorry, I’m kinda ranting here. It’s just that I hate what’s happening to ‘MUSIC’ nowadays. I MEAN, you know that new Hilary Duff song which just repeats this imperative sentence again and again and again: “REACH OUT AND TOUCH ME.” Where’s the vocal ability? The creativity? SHEESH!! And this sing has actually gone farther than those other songs with only ONE repetitive word/phrase. At least now they’ve managed a sentence.) Don’t get me wrong, I know that not all rap music are about those worldly things, and I do appreciate some music of those kind because they’re catchy. HAHAHA…but I get to know of them involuntarily, unlike those kind of music that I really like which I know of voluntarily. I mean involuntarily because I just hear them through media or because my brother’s playing his music.
2. What TV shows or channels do you usually watch? Why?
Uhhhm. I Don’t watch much TV, but when I do, I watch American Idol. I watch ETC, Lifestyle Network, 2nd Avenue, Fox Crime, NatGeo and Discovery Channel, sometimes MTV(when I like the music video= not filled with practically-naked women). I watch those because they entertain me? Hahaha…Well, let’s see. Fox Crime, NatGeo and Discovery Channel are channels I watch because they sometimes have really interesting documentaries/shows that intrigue me. Like say, this one about the mind of serial killers in Fox Crime (forgot the name of the show). Why did they become that way? What lead to their massacring of countless numbers of people?
But sometimes, when I just want an instant respite from the harsh realities of life (HAHA, JOKE LANG, di ako emo)—I mean, when I just want to be entertained I watch reality TV shows in those other channels. AND who doesn’t like watching Iron Chef? MEHN, just looking at the food is torture. See? If they made TV’s 4D, you’ll smell the food too! Ahhh….WAW.
I personally am not very fond of sitcoms or soap operas. They require too much time and some of them don’t even HAVE a point.
3. What do you read? Why?
Books! Hahaha, what else? I read good books. LOL. Genre: Fantasy, adventure, fiction and also non-fiction. But I’m more of a YA-reader still. I love adventure/fantasy fiction. The epitome of my favourite kind of book would probably be the first book of Ranger’s Apprentice/ Harry Potter :D. I also am fond of Jodi Piccoult’s work. She writes really really well with depth to her characters. I read these books because they entertain me, and because I actually learn from them. Books I’ve learned a lot from: Harry Potter(yes, seriously, here’s an example, Dumbledore said: “Someday, people will have to choose between what’s easy and what’s right.” It’s so true. Also, here’s another one: “Play to your strength.” This was by Mad-Eye Moody. :D) See, I read non-fiction which teach you lessons too. For example: The Last Lecture.
4. Do you smoke? What brand? Why?
NOPE. NEVER! Smoking kills every type of living system. It kills animals(HUMANS, THAT MEANS YOU AND THE PEOPLE WHO INHALE WHAT YOU’VE EXHALED—if you’re a smoker, that is.), and out nature. I don’t know if it kills specie from the Kingdoms Protista, Monera, Fungi and Plantea, but it sure as heck kills the planet. Smokers are murderers and victims themselves. What a pitiful way to EXIST.
5. Do you drink? What is your choice of drink? Why?
NOPE. Well, let’s see, I’m 15. Isn’t that enough reason? I’d probably consider drinking some in the future, but that’s in the very far future. And largely because they say drinking wine has benefits.
6. Where do you go on the weekends? Why?
Uhmm… church? Because I’m Catholic and I sing in the choir. I go to my grandmother’s house because it’s tradition for our family and it’s the part of the week I look forward most to because I love seeing my family. Those are the two constant places I go to every weekend. Sometimes, the malls and restaurants because of course, you gotta get outta the house too, ya know?
7. What do you do on the weekends? Why?
I do my homework (DUH). I go to those places mentioned beforehand. I read, listen to music, eat, sleep, etc. What else? Sometimes, there’s the occasional party or soiree or special event.
8. What do you wear on the weekends? Why?
Clothes? Hahaha…what kind of question is this? Umm, casual clothes? Depends on the occasion/event I’m going to. Uniform for choir.
9. What activities are you involved with?
What do you mean? Organizations? The choir and schoolwork(hahaha),. I am a member of the Batch Production crew, I was a Facilitator for the Xavier-ICA interaction. What do you mean exactly? Hahaha….basta yan.
10. What are your choices of fashion brands? Why?
Kamiseta, Plains and Prints and Bayo. I don’t know, because they have good clothes? Nice quality, nice fit, nice designs?
Iyong iba kahit sa department store na, why not? Sayang sa pera. Hahahaha….
11. What would you never be caught dead wearing? Why?
Uhhmm… I don’t know. Uhh, a super micro-mini skirt, (excuse the vulgarity)‘pekpek’ shorts. (You know what I mean) Those that show too much in the chest area. I think I’m a pretty conservative dresser. Hahaha, di ako furniture.
12. Do you consider yourself a trend-setter/trendy? Why?
Uhm, well, since in school we’re all just basically wearing the same thing—uniforms—I don’t think it applies that much. But I’m not a trend-setter. I just dress how I want to dress. Sure, I also sometimes go with what’s ‘in’, but because I want to not because I’m compelled to.
13. Do people consider you as a trend-setter/trendy? What makes you think so?
Nope, as I’ve said before, the only thing you could probably trend-set in school are the socks you wear and the way you wear your hair. And changing your style of socks can land you in the principals office. Anyhow, I’m not much focused on these things anyway. I do care about how I look but not too much that I lose sight of more important things.
14. How important is it for you to be a trend-setter/trendy? Why?
Obviously not very much. Refer to number 13. :D
15. What is your definition of “cool” and being cool?
None. Hahaha…Well…I guess I identify cool with those things that amaze me. Let’s say, may nasabugan ng bomba, tapos nabuhay pa siya. Iyon ay COOL. ASTIG, dba? Hahaha…ewan. Joke lang. Ewan ko. I don’t really use that word much, only when you have nothing else to say. HAHAHAHA! COOL=Malamig! :D Hahahaha….Cool(the kind of cool you’re looking for, I think), I believe, is defined by media. (Pop culture)
LONG ENOUGH? :D
Friday, February 20, 2009
Anger Management
Sheesh. What is this day? Officially Terrible(TE-RI-BL-E) Anger Day? I know corny, but what the heck? So, what I'm not creative. Sheesh.
SHEESH. (I'm saying that a lot.)
My whole being is waiting to burst from suppressed anger. Morning started out badly, the afternoon resurrected the blood-boiling episode and just this night, I am so MAD...SO ANGRY!! ARRRRRGGHHH! So many thoughts are running through my head. They're like just zip-zapping all over my mind. This one leads me to another thought and another and another. So on and so forth.
But oddly, once I've started writing, I can't even remember half of what I've been thinking. Weird.
It's just so frustrating! I'm really trying so hard to be not so temperamental and to do WHAT JESUS WOULD DO if he were in my situation. But IT IS HARD.
SHEESH. (I'm saying that a lot.)
My whole being is waiting to burst from suppressed anger. Morning started out badly, the afternoon resurrected the blood-boiling episode and just this night, I am so MAD...SO ANGRY!! ARRRRRGGHHH! So many thoughts are running through my head. They're like just zip-zapping all over my mind. This one leads me to another thought and another and another. So on and so forth.
But oddly, once I've started writing, I can't even remember half of what I've been thinking. Weird.
It's just so frustrating! I'm really trying so hard to be not so temperamental and to do WHAT JESUS WOULD DO if he were in my situation. But IT IS HARD.
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