Ms. **********, HS APFSA
Dear Ma’am:
Last week our class had our first 15 point Filipino quiz under Mrs. ******** . I passed my paper approximately 5 minutes after Mrs. ******** collected all my other classmates’ papers. My action has violated a testing procedure regarding the examination time. I understand the possible repercussions of this action, including a possible infraction, SBF form, lowering of conduct grade or lowering of academic grade. However, I will still do my best to explain to you what happened precisely, what I did wrong and what I will do now in light of my mistake.
When Mrs. ******** entered our classroom, she told us to get a half lengthwise yellow pad paper for our first quiz. After that, she let us write down the questions she dictated for the quiz. And then she gave us a few minutes to answer the test. Some of my classmates say that she only gave us about 10 to 15 minutes to finish the test. I am not all too sure with this. However, even if we had 20 minutes to answer the test I believe all of us, in general, had too little time to finish it because it contained 5 questions. I am sure I was not the only one who found the time too little. Some of my classmates may have finished early because they are more precise and concise in answering or perhaps they didn’t know what to write. I am neither of these. I always try to do my best in every test and unfortunately, I am not the particularly witty person Shakespeare referred to when he said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” I am too meticulous most of the times.
Because of my lengthy answers and carelessness with Father Time, the last two questions in my test paper still remained unanswered when Mrs. ******** asked us to pass the papers. I raised my left hand together with my voice to tell the air or the general public (everyone and apparently, no one, in this case) that I was not yet done with the test while I kept my right hand on the paper and kept on answering the questions I knew the answer to. Soon after that I put my left hand back down on the paper to hold it while my right hand furiously transferred all my thoughts to the yellow pad paper. Noise ensued around me and amidst that, my classmates seated around me, particularly **** and *** **, as I recall, were the good ones who kept on telling me to just pass the paper. I heard this and the noise around me too, but I did my best to block them out and continue my trail of thought on the paper.
I believe that somewhere between teacher telling us to pass the papers and myself realizing I still had questions left unanswered, I made the decision to just finish the test. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I believe the situation was something like what happens in paint ball when a member of the opposing team is able to corner you and ask: “Surrender or Die?” Likewise, if I passed and surrendered the paper, it was an automatic zero for both numbers and if I didn’t pass the paper immediately, my teacher could have refused to accept it and something like this could happen. And it did. Apparently, I chose to die.
I am in no way trying to justify my action, but I am justifying my intention for doing so. I just want you to know my reasons and my state of mind right now. I know my decision is wrong—even before all of this happened. I believe every person in his/her right mind can tell right from wrong. So I knew it was wrong and I still did it anyway. Why? It’s just that I had to make my decision, amidst all the time pressure, the noise, and my own conscience. I believe anyone can relate to my wrong decision because none of us is exempt from making wrong choices except Him (and Venus Raj, I guess). I repeat: I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It was a “Surrender Or Die?” moment. I was thinking that since I knew the answers to these questions, I will not be giving justice to myself if I didn’t answer it. I was thinking that it would be “sayang”. I was thinking that the unreasonable time limit was unfair for me and all of us. When in hot water I guess that for most of us, our natural human instinct of self-preservation (no matter how ignorant, counter-productive, contradictory and shortsighted it may seem upon retrospect) take over and we do what we think is best for ourselves for that time. So I answered the test. I can assure you I did not even look at the book or another person’s answers, I did not converse about the answer with my classmates and I did not hear any of my classmates’ answers. If I did manage to overhear them, I do not remember anything anymore because I didn’t take notice of them (I was busy answering the test and blocking out the noise—and unfortunately in this case, I believe I also blocked out the voice of reason in my head) except the ones who directly addressed me, like **** and *** ** to pass the papers already. I am sure my classmates can attest to that fact that even if I did not pass my paper on time, I did not cheat. I will not dare to lower myself to that level, but I guess in light of what happened, I guess I may as well have had done it with everything that has been brought up by this incident.
Then after the Decision I realized the other things I did not think of before, like how I could have just asked for consideration after, and how I could have just passed the papers and stuck to my own principles and preserved my morality.
Obviously, I did not do the bigger, the more selfless act. I did not think about the OTHER people. I didn’t look at the bigger picture. I realized that I had been unfair not only to myself, but also my classmates and Mrs. ********. I disobeyed her and in effect, disrespected her. That is why I am very grateful that after the Incident she still accepted my paper and she talked to me, she listened to me and all in all she was very open to what I had to say and much, much kinder than I thought she should be after what I did. These are the things I committed because of one wrong decision. (But all these retrospective thought only came after the incident because as I have said, I really did not have time to have an inner debate with myself when I made the decision; instinct—selfishness/self-preservation--took over.)
However, I also realized some other things as well. I realized that when there is something wrong with a system, something is bound to become wrong with those under that system as well. Something wrong will happen to the people following the system. (e.g., The Philippine government) And although I admit that I was wrong I believe that my intention was right, but my ends do not justify my means. I just believe that I did the wrong the decision largely because of my own selfishness and still partly also because we had too little time. I think there obviously is also something wrong with the number of questions for the test and the time allotment in the quiz. I think the time was not sufficient enough to completely answer the questions.
I was thinking that since I knew the answers to these questions, I will not be giving justice to myself if I didn’t answer it. I was thinking that it would be “sayang”. I was thinking that the unreasonable time limit was unfair for me and all of us.
To be honest, I still think that. But I also realized something more important than even everything I realized so far. I believe that Jesus would not have wanted me to do what I did. I realized that I broke my own principles and became a hypocrite when I refused to pass the paper because of my stubborn will, selfishness and determination. This is not the “me” I want to be. I do not want to be a person who acts purely on instinct and selfishness.
Therefore, I am never going to do this again in any school or institution I will be in. I realize that if I am to criticize something in the system I follow, I should be blameless. (To be honest, many would see it as an act of stupidity too, but for the record, I just really want to say that even though several think that I always do this disobedience and I am only concerned with my grades or anything related to it, I passed my ACET on time even though I left a good portion of the last test set blank.)
Although now I realize that the fault is largely mine and partly, the system’s, I ask of you to please be considerate with your response. I hope I have clarified any confusion and my intentions for committing such a heinous crime against testing procedures, honesty and justice.
Sincerely yours,
K******a C******n
IV-C******
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