I have the WEIRDEST dreams.

Seriously, I do. I mean, my Biology teacher said something about recording your dreams and eventually you'll find a pattern or something like that. But my dreams, MEHN. I don't think I'm finding any pattern at all--only that they are so utterly RANDOM.

So first off, I remember this dream I had...Though I just remember snippets as of now. But I remember that Reese Witherspoon was there and some people I don't know, some of them grannies and grandpas, we were looking for someone. I think the grannies were holding weapons, like knives or something. And then there was this big house and it was kind of dark.

Next, I remember that in the dream it was Halloween. Then in the dream I kinda knew what was going to happen BUT I still got surprised when this thing (I forgot. LOL) came out from a shelf behind this guy...

And just this morning. MAHN, was my dream SO weird. I remember that first I was in a bookstore-ish shop in a beach. It was big, and I remember that it was all woody, dark wood. And then I was buying or looking for a book, I don't exactly remember all the details. I went to this rack/stack of books then I met 3D people there. Omar, I remember most. But RR, Ramon and others were present, I think.

THEN, suddenly, I was in a car (or this is all I remember) and there were three of us at the very front of the car. There was a girl at the leftmost corner, I think then our driver, and then me at the rightmost corner(Yep, I don't know how 3 people could fit in the front too. We were at the white Hiace/Van). The driver was falling asleep while driving us so he was slumping in the seat and falling on his side on ME. SHEESH. I remember that he was directing the car to go straight then dozing off...It was scary!

THEN, we were at Arcadia. I just remember SPICY CHICKEN and the fact that my cousin, Sarah was the one who cooked it, IF I remember correctly. OH MEHN... I think I dreamed all this when I was already about to wake up because I remember that I was actually thinking while I was in the dream about the dream. Weird.

AND YESTERDAY! WHOAH! I remeber only one scene. Melanie O., my classmate was there. I remember that we were talking about supernatural things, specifically about supernatural creatures/beings--vampires, I think. She said that there was this being/vampire/I-don't-know-because-I'm-not-sure which can REPRODUCE. YES, I did not forget that Mel was actually speaking in a very scholarly manner. And that he can reproduce--he is white-haired, by the way. Not Spike or whatever his name was in Buffy. He has un-gel(ed) white hair. Anyway, I'm digressing here. SO, this guy/being can reproduce if he's procreating in front of this magical mirror and magical box? Something like a magical treasure chest...

SEE?? AREN'T THEY JUST ABSOLUTELY WEIRD?

I honestly don't know what to make of them.

Diasappointment towards Them

What a night. I just had a soiree yesterday night and it didn't go as well as I'd hoped it would. It makes me wonder, "Is Friday the 13th really cursed like what people say it is?". Let's rewind it back to February 12, the day before the D(Disappointment) day.

My best friend Denise and I keep on either calling, texting, or YM-ing each other. She is scared because she hasn't asked her parents about the soiree yet and she's going to be news reporting tomorrow. So I guess, it's nerves mixed with anxiety and blended together with apprehension to form the perfect "scared-tishless" frappuccino. I am comforting her and encouraging her to think positive. I am her eternal cheerleader, I will tell her tomorrow. Then, I am trying to sleep. Denise still hasn't asked her parents about the soiree because her parents aren't home yet.

While trying to fall into the sweet comfort of unconsciousness, My mind is being troubled by thoughts about the day that is to come. My mind keeps on thinking about the soiree tomorrow, and God forbid it, it is excited. I will meet good guys tomorrow. Oh, joy!

February 13 creeps up on me fast enough. The night turns into morning and then I am back in school. Denise comes in. Her mom has said yes, BUT she has to ask her dad still. I am still enthusiastic and cheering her up, encouraging her to be optimistic. Morning turns into afternoon. I am preparing for the soiree and a friend of my brother's comes with him to our house. He is very tall. They're both preparing for a party too.

I go to Barbra's house, our(some of my classmates and I) meeting place. Denise was there, taking a shower. She is allowed to go. Yes!

We arrive at the host's house after picking up Janelle and Viviane, respectively. We are excited. We come in and then I go to the restroom! HAHA! My bladder was about to burst.

Anyhow, we find the guys and mehn were they mostly quiet, shy and suffice it to say that we were probably all disappointed that night. The kind of good-looking ones all were attracted like bee's are to honey to the--sorry for the term--sluts. HAHAHA. Then BAM, awkward awkward awkward to no end. We were all uncreative and I admit it was probably the girl's fault too. But hey now, it was the guys who invited us AND guys are supposed to be the ones who approach us, not the other way around. I don't know, maybe I was expecting some lingering traces of the obviously nonexistent virtue called chivalry in some of them. BUT, no, all they were able to talk about were teenager stuff. Soirees, scandals, people, etc.etc. Even my classmates were not volunteering anything. ARGH. They just went there and WELL we all expected the guys to do everything for us, I guess. Oh well.

It's so disappointing to find that there is most probably no guy in my generation who would be mature enough to talk with me about real life. About things like family, friends, life itself. Even just jokes. Sure there are some, but I'm guessing none would even be mature enough to talk with me about let's say, philosophy. Or even just good books. I was sorely mistaken about the maturity of 16 to 17 year old BOYS. I was hoping to click with them, you know. But no, I was very nicely thrown over the unending cliff of disappointment. Nice one, fate.

Maybe it just really means, I really have to wait until after college to find really mature guys who can actually stand up to me. Young boys aren't very fond of girls with actual thinking heads which aren't focused on boys, relationships and drama. Or maybe, it will be really hard to find guys who can stand up to me.

I kind of found one. And he is taken. See? All the decent guys really are either gay or taken. Woe is to me. I'm not even looking for a relationship in that sense, we were just looking for guy friends.

And what did we find?

Well, I'll leave that up to you to infer. I'm assuming you've enough information already.

Haha, all this on V day. :) It's ok really. I will not be sad today just because of them. This experience really just cemented my opinion about not having relationships at this age.

My Life As It Is

Since I am flawed by the inferiority complex, I have thought of a good idea--at least, I think it is--to boost my self-esteem. Every time I see or meet an inhumanly beautiful person, I will bless them with the most creative ugliest name ever. This way, instead of becoming paranoid and stimulating my not-so-dormant-ultra-competitive self, I will just be enormously humored. Yes, this is my kind of humor. Sorry to disgust.



Anyhow, I just received an e-mail for my aunt. She constantly reminds me of the fact that "I will accomplish great things.". It's kind of flattering but at the same time also it makes me feel like I have to NOT disappoint her. Pressure, man. Of course, I want to be "great" too. It's just that there are SO MANY things I want to do.

Here's a list:
I WANT TO:
- be a great artist
- be a great dancer
- be a great writer
- learn yoga and pilates
- become fluent in Chinese
- understand (at least) Japanese
- learn Spanish, European Languages basically
- attain a scholarship in Ateneo
- attain a scholarship in an Ivy League
- serve others: organizations
ETC.ETC.ETC.

-----------------------

Just today, I found a side of my bestie I wasn't really aware existed. Hahaha...It's just that she is usually so kind and considerate that you wouldn't guess she could experience all sorts of negative emotions. Stupid assumption, I know. It doesn't really make me like her less. It's actually a good thing because now at least I know that she IS human too, not just an angel sent by God to be my friend. :)

That's all my thoughts for now, folks. :)
I'm so corny. Gotta eat and study.

Optimum Level of Tolerance

I am so insensitive.

I mean, I know that I'm a pretty frank, straight-forward, and I really tend to express my opinions in a very blunt and sadly, offending way. I'm even bordering on domineering. But I don't--well, I guess I have to admit that I DO SOMETIMES force my views on some people. I just like making people know me, understand me. I want them to know what I think. Wow, that's so...self-centered? At the end of the day, don't we all just want to be understood?

So the sun was intense. The temperature was rising, and sweat was trickling down our backs, making our shirts stick to our skin. It was very hot and the light was almost blinding, being directly on us.

Denise said something along the lines of her skin getting darker. I said what's wrong with that. She replied that she just didn't want to get darker. I was vehement. I said, "Discrimination. Why is darker skin always equated as less desirable, ugly, and inferior?" Something along those lines. She just kept quiet.

Yes, she is indeed that kind. She follows the principle of not saying anything if you don't have anything good to say.

Which brings me to my conclusion. Around me people have an optimum level of tolerance--when they don't spend that much time around me and when I'm actually aware of everything I'm saying/doing. Otherwise, they will just die in the zero levels of tolerance.

Biology is seriously growing on me.

God help me, bless me for our quiz tomorrow.

Injustice at its BEST

Friday, December 26, 2008
The world has gone crazy.
So, I just had the worst day of my life.

At around 1:30 PM today, at Valley Golf and Country Club, Antipolo City, Mayor Nasser Pangandaman, Jr., Mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur, his father, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman of the Department of Agrarian Reform, and company, beat my defenseless 56-year-old dad and my 14-year-old brother to a pulp because of some stupid misunderstanding on the golf course.

This is a golf course. I have been a golfer all my life, and I have never seen anything like this. NOTHING. This is hard to comprehend. And it happened to my own father and my own brother too. Right in front of my eyes.

My brother and I were playing golf at the South Course of Valley. We were on the 3rd hole, and we see two golf carts going past us, overtaking our flight, and setting up to tee off on the next hole. My dad goes up to them and asks them why they would do that, why they would overtake us without even asking for our permission. Golf etiquette 101. One of the guys says that they're with the flight in front of us. (So what? That doesn't give them the right to just pass us WITHOUT asking.) So, we go to the 5th hole. The flight behind us catches up with us, and asks us what caused the hold up. We said that this flight just slipped in front of our flight. So we complained to the marshall. We play the 5th hole and walk towards the next hole, where there is a teehouse, and both the flights in front of us were there, talking with the marshall. The mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur talks with my dad. Things get heated up. Voices were raised. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that someone would pull out a punch. Apparently not. He attacks my father. His flightmates, maybe 2 or 3 of them, rush to his aid and beat up my father. My 56-year-old father. My younger brother and I could not just watch. We rushed to break the fight. My younger brother pleads to the mayor to please stop it. To not hurt my dad. To just stop. His words still ring through my head..."Sorry na po, sorry na po...tama na...tama na po..." With his hands in front of his chest in a praying position. PLEADING. The mayor socks him in the face. My brother defended himself. My dad is still on the ground getting clobbered. My brother is the same way. I try to stop the fight, but all I can do is stop one person. There were 4 or 5 of them attacking now.

Someone breaks up the fight. I thought it was all over. The mayor shouts to his caddy: "Hindi nila kami kilala! Sabihin mo nga sa kanila kung sino ako!" And believe me, I had no idea who this person was. But now I know. He's the person who, with 4 other men, beat up my 56-year-old father and my 14-year-old brother. He's the person who sacks a pleading 14-year-old kid in the face. He's a person who, I am sure, is gonna rot in hell.

I lash out, but my dad held me back. I was screaming my lungs out, shouting to this mayor, telling him about what he had done. I said: "Nakakahiya kayo. Singkwenta'y sais anyos ang tatay ko. And kapatid ko kakatorse anyos. Anong ilalaban nila sayo?"

The mayor looks at my brother, point to his face, and says, "Tatandaan kita!" And he tells me that my brother has a bad attitude and that I need to watch him. WHAT THE HELL?! So, my brother's bad for defending his father?!

We leave. We walk to the clubhouse to file a complaint. My brother asks for a doctor. My dad could barely walk. Their group comes to the clubhouse, sees my brother. Once again my brother pleads, says sorry, and is crying. He was CRYING, for crissakes. But no. The relentless mayor still punches him in the face, and then sees my dad and goes after my dad again. Him and his friend pull my dad to the ground, pulls at his feet, and steps on him like he's dirt. I run to him and try to hold him back, holding him back by his shirt, while this other guy and this girl tries to stop me. She tells me to just stop it. I scream in her face "they're beating my father up and you want me to stop?!" I pull at his shirt--I don't let go. All I can see was my dad being trampled on. I didn't even see my brother getting beat up.

People pull them away. I get my dad, and I saw my brother. His right ear was bleeding. I freaked out. I told the receptionists to bring my brother to the clinic. I pull my dad away. People were separating us.

My mom and my older brother come. I tell her Bino's right ear is bleeding. They both look like they could kill. My dad holds my brother off, I hold off my mom. When I finally got my mom under control, my older brother gets away and I hold him off. Two of the mayor's bodyguards pull out guns. I embraced my brother from the back, just holding him back, crying. The receptionists came to us, crying, hugging me, my dad, and my mom, whispering to us to just leave. "Maam, umalis na po kayo, may mga baril sila...Maam...umalis na po kayo please..."

I am pretty sure the Secretary of DAR did not take part in the fight, but he just watched all this happen. He watched two of his sons, as we figured out, the other guy was his son, too, beat up my father and my 14-year-old brother. He didn't do anything to stop it. And this person is what now? A cabinet member. A politician.

Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn't it? But this is what happened. TODAY. The day after Christmas. To my family. And all I ask for is JUSTICE. The people at Valley Golf did not seem to want to help us. None of the security guards even tried to stop the fight. Right in the clubhouse. I came back after the fight was over and talked to the receptionists. They say they did not see anything. The general manager of Valley Golf would not give us the names of the men who made my brother's ear bleed. It took him an hour. Maybe even more than that. He seemed to not want to help us. Because, we were against the SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRARIAN REFORM and the MAYOR OF MASIU CITY, LANAO DEL SUR. They were all scared.

The world has gone crazy. Two politicians beat up a defenseless 56-year-old father and his 14-year-old son. At a golf course. I swear to God, I thought golfers were decent people. You would think politicians were decent people. I guess not. I guess they gang up on 56-year-old men and beat up pleading 14-year-old kids.

Please pray for my dad, my brother and for my whole family. Please pray that we get JUSTICE. Oh God, please, give these people what they deserve.

I got this from this site:
http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html

My comment(also posted there):

Kristina said...

You may be wondering how a stranger stumbled upon your blog and the answer is that my cousin, Jammy C., posted this link in our family Yahoo!groups. (Sorry, if this freaks you out.)

I am TOTALLY ENRAGED for your family. I am FURIOUS. I want to throw something. I hate injustice. I abhor it. I cannot even comprehend the fact that this happened, that this HAPPENS. Almost too hard to believe this is in fact our reality. This has absolutely lowered my confidence in humanity in general. How can someone so viciously act for oneself only? How can someone be capable of doing such an act of selfishness? How can a (let's assume) Catholic Filipino LEADER( SUPPOSEDLY) act like this? What has the world come down to?

Though, I am glad that you and your family are alive. No one should experience this degree of cruelty. (ESPECIALLY on freakin Christmas.)No one should even be capable of carrying out an action of this degree of cruelty. I am hoping for the best for your family. I hope you will all heal.
I will pray for you and your family. For every Filipino out there who has experienced,are experiencing, (God Forbid) will be experiencing this malevolence from our very own government. And, as hard as it is for me to say it, we must pray especially for these kind of people. 'Love your enemies.' As hard as it is to accept, we would be nothing better than those we hate, if we aren't even capable of this. Though, don't worry, you don't need to accept this yet. It might take a while, but eventually, we must forgive.

And for exactly this reason, we must hope. For the people who have been victimized, like your family, we must hope. For these dogs who don't even deserve the title of being called 'human' much less that of a 'mayor', we must hope. For our country, we must pray.

I will pray for you.

- Kristina C. (Jammy's cousin. Just reminding. :) )

The world has gone crazy. But then again, when we lose hope, we lose ourselves too.

Link of news report here: http://www.gmanews.tv/story/141418/DAR-chiefs-son-5-bodyguards-face-charges-for-alleged-mauling-of-2-golfers

What Barney has taught me :)

I remember watching Barney when I was just a little too old to for it, but still young enough to watch it with my younger sister. It was a special Christmas episode with Santa and Baby Bop. If I'm not mistaken, It was Baby Bop who said something like, "Santa gives all of us gifts for Christmas, but who gives Santa gifts?" I remember this episode struck me so much, my eyes started producing liquid. My sister and I even started planning things like putting cookies on the dinner table on Christmas Eve for Santa, plans that were never put into action. Still, we did consider this new idea, Christmas about giving back to Santa.

Ms. Ng, our CLE teacher, discussed Christmas with us. She said that we should never forget that 'Jesus is the reason for the season.' We should never forget, though we receive a truckload of gifts and attend a host of parties, why there is Christmas in the first place.

A priest preaching in the homily said that Christmas is about serving those who served us. Forgot his name, but I remember his proposition. He challenged us to be the ones who served our maids and helpers at home. Even just for Christmas because Christmas is about Jesus, who has served us too.

Thinking back, I realized Barney was teaching us the same lesson, albeit in a different way. Christmas is about serving those who has served us, which includes Jesus but also envelops our personal 'servants'. People who have been unfailingly kind towards us, people who have always stood by our side, people who have handed us the pitcher of water though it was only less than ten feet away, these are the people who served us.


That's why I'm so stressed. There's simply too much people who have served me, too much people on my list. :D

LOL.

Merry Christmas, cyberspace.

Love,
Kristina.

For a Friend

Let me explain my pathetic situation.

First of all, I have friends. But they have their own intimately close group of friends. I'm just an intruder.

I had a friend, but she turned out to be something of the exact opposite--a backstabbing, lying, two-faced, ....

I had an acquaintance, who always treated me like I am lower than dirt, but I still tried to treat well. I tried to be cordial with her as much as possible.

What hurts the most...

is the fact that the dearest friend I have, someone who I really love and care about, has been forced with an ultimatum (and a stupid one at that)--CHOOSE: ME or them. Them, the lying, two-faced, backstabbing, petty, shallow, disgusting, filthy, .... The bane of my existence.

The catch is, I just had to be giving because she's my bestest, best friend. And for a friend like her, I'd do anything. I had to leave her--them. Because if I don't, they'd let her chose.

I guess, I don't want to know which she chooses too. Me, or them.

So I left.

I left her, because I love her. I don't want her to feel like she has to chose between me or them. I didn't want to hear them tell me to go away too.

It's so funny how much you can trust a person and even consider them as a friend and find out the person's been sh**ting you all along. Makes you jaded and bitter right? Thing is, I'm not. I'm still hoping. I still believe that there will be friends for me out there--other friends.

If you really love someone, let him/her go, right? They say, it it really was meant to be, he/she will come back.

We'll see.